Charlie Viracola - Southerner in L.A.

  • Season 7 , Ep 14
  • 05/15/2003
  • Views: 1,786

Being a racist in L.A. is exhausting. (2:17)

BUT I'LL BE THE LEADER OF

PLANET CHARLIE, SO YOU GOT

NOTHING TO WORRY ABOUT, MAN.

I'LL TELL YOU A LITTLE BIT ABOUT

MYSELF.

I'M ORIGINALLY FROM LOS ANGELES,

CALIFORNIA.

(AUDIENCE CHEERS)

YEAH, CALIFORNIA.

BUT I GREW UP IN NORTH CAROLINA.

AND-- YEAH.

AND NOW, I LIVE BACK IN

LOS ANGELES.

WHICH IS WEIRD, BECAUSE I HAVE

A SOUTHERN ACCENT NOW.

AND THE MINUTE PEOPLE IN L.A.

HEAR MY SOUTHERN ACCENT,

THEY IMMEDIATELY THINK YOU'RE

A RACIST.

AND I'M LIKE--

YOU COULDN'T BE A RACIST AND

LIVE IN L.A.

YOU'D BE EXHAUSTED.

(LAUGHTER)

ALL DAY LONG, "I HATE YOU,

I HATE YOU, I HATE YOU, I HATE

YOU."

I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT

THE (BLEEP) YOU ARE, DUDE.

AND I HAVE TO INVENT A NEW WAY

TO HATE YOUR ASS.

BUT MY WHOLE FAMILY'S CRAZY,

MAN.

THEY ARE.

I COME FROM A CRAZY FAMILY.

MY GRANDMOTHER'S--

SHE'S NUTS.

MY GRANDMOTHER'S GOT A

GLASS EYEBALL.

SHE'S SO CRAZY, EVERY CHRISTMAS

SHE PUTS ONE IN THAT'S GOT THAT

SNOW STUFF IN IT.

(LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE)

SHE'S OLD AND ALL BEAT UP, TOO.

SHE'S ONLY GOT ONE BREAST.

SO I GOT HER A PART-TIME JOB

AT HOOTERS.

(LAUGHTER)

WITH JOKES LIKE THAT, I WONDER

WHY I'M SO LONELY.

I AM LONELY, MAN.

I'VE BEEN SO LONELY LATELY I WAS

THINKING ABOUT BUYING A SATURN,

JUST SO I COULD GO TO THAT

PICNIC.

(LAUGHTER)

I HAD A SATURN AS A RENTAL CAR

A COUPLE OF WEEKS AGO WHEN I WAS

ON THE ROAD.

LISTEN TO THIS.

IT HAD A REMOTE CONTROL FOR

THE RADIO ON THE STEERING WHEEL.

A REMOTE CONTROL FOR THE RADIO,

ON THE STEERING WHEEL.

NOW, FOLKS, I'M LAZY AS HELL.

BUT WHAT FAT BASTARD DID THEY

INVENT THIS FOR?

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

WHO IS SO LAZY THAT THEY CAN'T

DO THIS RIGHT HERE?

(LAUGHTER)

AT WHAT POINT IN YOUR PATHETIC

LIFE DOES THIS BECOME A PROBLEM?

I LOVE MUSIC.

I JUST DON'T WANNA STICK

MY FAT CLOVEN HOOF DOWN THERE,

AND TRY AND DIAL SOME OF IT IN.

I GET ROAD RAGE IN MY CAR.

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