Rory Scovel - Abortion

  • Season 2 , Ep 1
  • 03/25/2011
  • Views: 14,010

Rory explains that they can't all be abortion jokes; we're going to hear about Batman, too. (3:57)

OH, GOODNESS.SHUT UP.

SHUT UP, GUYS.SHUT IT DOWN.

SHUT IT DOWN.SHUT UP.

SHUT UP. SHUT UP.

GUYS,SHUT THE (bleep) UP.

GUYS! SHUT IT!GOT JOKES TO TELL!

GUYS! SHUT IT UP!FOLKS!

THIS IS MY WHOLE SHOW.

(bleep) YOU!SHUT IT DOWN!

A-SAP! (chuckles)

IT'S A NEW YEAR.I DON'T DO JOKES ANYMORE.

IT'S PROBABLY A DISAPPOINTINGTHING TO HEAR

WHEN YOU'RE ON A SHOW.

I DO ZIZZLE-ZAZZLESNOW, GUYS.

(laughter)

SORRY TO BE A PIONEER.

SORRY.

I GREW UP IN THE SOUTH.

I WAS BACK HOME IN OCTOBER.

MY FAMILY THOUGHT IT WOULD BEA LOT OF FUN

TO GO TO ONE OF THOSEPRO-LIFE HAUNTED HOUSES.

(laughter)(chuckles)

CHURCH.

(laughter)(groans)

SCARY.THEY'RE SCARY.

I DON'T KNOW WHEN YOU'VE GONE,YOU GET IN THERE,

EVERYBODY'S DEADON THE INSIDE.

(groans)IT'S THE WORST KIND OF DEAD.

SCARIER THAN DEADON THE OUTSIDE,

YOU'RE DEAD ON THE INSIDE,YOU CAN STILL VOTE.

(whistles)

(applause)

PEOPLE THAT DIDN'T APPLAUDARE LOSERS.

(laughter)

I'M PRO-ABORTION.

(scattered cheering)(chuckles)

ALL RIGHT, SHUT UP,THAT IS RIDICULOUS.

THAT IS--THAT IS STUPID.

PRO-ABORTIONFOR ONE REASON--

I HONESTLY BELIEVETHAT SOME OF THOSE BABIES

WOULD HAVE GROWN UPTO BE ABORTION DOCTORS.

(laughter)

JUST RECENTLY WATCHED"THE DARK KNIGHT" AGAIN.

YEAH.IT CAN'T--

(laughs) CAN'T ALL BEABORTION JOKES.

WE'RE GONNA GOINTO SOME BAT--

WE'RE GONNA GO INTOSOME BATMAN STUFF.

HOPE THAT WORKS.OH, GOOD TRANSISH.

GOOD TRANSISH.

THAT'S AN INDUSTRY TERM.MAYBE YOU DON'T KNOW IT

IT'S 'CAUSE YOU HAVEA (bleep) JOB, OKAY?

GOOD TRANSISH.

LOVE "THE DARK KNIGHT,"LOVE BATMAN.

ONE THING I DON'T GETIS HE'S KIND OF A DICK

WHEN HE LEAVESCOMMISSIONER GORDON.

LIKE, THEY'RE ALWAYS TOGETHERHAVING A CONVERSATION,

HE ROPES HIMINTO THE CONVERSATION,

AND THEN HE JUSTUNKNOWINGLY LEAVES,

LIKE HE CAN'T SAY "BYE."

LIKE, "NO ONE CAN KNOWWHEN I'M LEAVING.

"NO, I'M OUTTA HERE.I DON'T WANT ANYBODY TO KNOW.

I'M BATMAN."

IT WOULD BE WEIRD, THOUGH,

IF BATMAN LEGITIMATELY DID SAYGOODBYE JUST LIKE THAT.

DRESSED LIKE THAT,JUST HANGING OUT,

"WELL, GUYS, YOU KNOW ME.I GOT TO GET TO GOING.

"NO,IT'S GOOD TO SEEING YOU.

"YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH,NO, NO, GOOD SEEING YOU, GUYS.

"SUCKS IT'S ALWAYS, YOU KNOW,IN THESE CONDITIONS.

"BUT, YOU KNOW,WE'RE DOING WHAT WE CAN.

"I THINK THAT'S ONE THINGYOU CAN WAKE UP IN THE MORNING,

"PAT YOURSELFON THE BACK ABOUT.

"YOU KNOW HOW MANY TIMESI'VE SHOT THESE THINGS,

"IT DOESN'T GRAB ONTOANYTHING?

"COMES RIGHT BACK AT ME,HITS ME IN THE FACE.

"I GOT A BLACK EYE.YOU DON'T KNOW I WEAR A MASK."

PSSHH!"OH, LOOK AT THAT. BOOM.

"DON'T HAVE TO WIND ITBACK UP AGAIN.

"NO,I'M GONNA PUT IT ON SLOW.

"I WANNA FINISHTHIS CONVERSATION.

"YEAH, NO, I HEARD THAT YOURWIFE WAS IN THE HOSPITAL.

"YEAH, YEAH, YEAH.NO, I GOT AN E-MAIL.

"I GOT AN E-MAIL.IT'S WEIRD.

"I HAD A COUSIN WHO WENT INFOR A KIDNEY TRANSPLANT,

"WHICH IS WEIRD.

"EVERYONE'S GOT TWO,YOU ONLY NEED ONE. I KNOW.

I'M STUCK. I'M SNAGGED.I'M SNAGGED."

(laughter)

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