Ted Alexandro - Eating

  • Season 5 , Ep 7
  • 08/12/2001
  • Views: 11,198

PEOPLE GO ON WEIRDDIETS, THOUGH, YOU KNOW?

I LIKE THE DIET WHERE YOU COULDEAT AS MUCH AS YOU WANT, RIGHT?

THAT'S MY FAVORITE.

IT'S LIKE REAL SPECIFIC THINGS.

LIKE FROM NINE TO TWELVE YOU EATASPARAGUS, AS MUCH AS YOU WANT.

YOU CAN JUST EAT AS MUCH ASYOU WANT.

THEN FROM TWELVE TO SEVENYOU DRINK WATER, AS MUCH AS YOU

WANT.

JUST DRINK AS MUCH AS YOU WANT.

THEN FROM SEVEN TILL WHENEVERYOU GO TO BED, YOU JUST CRY.

YOU JUST CRY, CRY AS MUCH ASYOU WANT 'CAUSE YOU'RE STARVING.

YOU'RE REALLY HUNGRY.

(LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE)YOU'RE GONNA WANT TO CRY.

NOT EASY TO EAT HEALTHY, THOUGH,RIGHT?

I REMEMBER LAST THANKSGIVINGI GO OVER TO MY MOM AND DAD'S

FOR THE TRADITIONAL THANKSGIVINGDINNER.

AND MY MOM ORDERS BOSTON MARKET.

DO YOU BELIEVE THAT?

BOSTON MARKET.

BE SHE SERVED IT IN HER OWNCHINA, RIGHT?

SO THE GUESTS WOULDN'T KNOW.

BUT MY BROTHERS AND SISTERSAND I WOULD DROP SUBTLE HINTS.

WE'D BE LIKE, SO, MA, DO WE GETTWO SIDES WITH THE TURKEY?

IS IT TWO OR IS IT JUST THECORNBREAD?

WHAT'S THE POLICY?

SHE WAS LIKE, "JUST TAKE WHATYOU WANT AND PASS IT."

(LAUGHTER)I WAS LIKE, YOU KNOW, CAN I SEE

YOUR MANAGER BECAUSE I REALLY...

DON'T LIKE YOUR ATTITUDE AT ALL.

AND I'VE BEEN EATING HEREA LONG TIME.

YES, I HAVE.

I THINK THE BIGGEST THINGAT MY FAMILY PARTIES IS DECIDING

WHAT WE'RE GOING TO DO WITHTHE PLASTIC FORKS.

KNOW WHAT I MEAN?

ARE WE KEEPING THE FORKS?

ARE WE GONNA KEEP THE FORKS?

'CAUSE YOU CAN WASH 'EM.

YOU WASH 'EM AND THEN YOU USE'EM AGAIN.

OKAY, SO WE'RE GONNA THROWTHE CUPS BUT WE'RE KEEPING THE

FORKS?

WE'RE GOING TO KEEP 'EM...

'CAUSE YOU CAN WASH 'EM.

AND YOU CAN TELL HOW OLD YOU AREBASED ON HOW YOU FEEL ABOUT

THE FORKS.

'CAUSE WHEN I WAS YOUNGER I WASLIKE, "THROW THE DAMN FORKS.

WHO CARES, WE'LL GET MORE."

ON BEHALF OF THE ENTIRE KIDDYTABLE WE SAY, (BLEEP) THE FORKS.

THAT'S HOW WE FEEL ABOUTTHE SITUATION."

YEAH.

YEAH.

YEAH.

SO, I'M SINGLE.

(WOMEN CHEERING)I OFTEN THINK ABOUT MY FUTURE

WIFE AND HOW LAX SHE'S BEENABOUT GETTING IN TOUCH WITH ME.

(LAUGHTER)I DON'T KNOW, BEING SINGLE

IS KIND OF A STRUGGLE BETWEENLONELINESS AND EUPHORIA.

IT'S LIKE LONELINESS RIGHTBEFORE YOU GO TO BED AT NIGHT

AND EUPHORIA THE WHOLE--REST OF THE DAY.

JUST REAL HAPPY.

A BALANCE.

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