Wanda Sykes - John Paul II

Wanda Sykes: Tongue Untied Season 1, Ep 101 01/09/2003 Views: 8,815

Wanda Sykes takes the pope to task for not properly laying down the law with his priests. (2:06)

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CATHOLIC CHURCH, THEY IN

TROUBLE.

YEAH, I WAS DISAPPOINTED,

BECAUSE I THOUGHT THE POPE WAS

GONNA COME OUT AND JUST PUT HIS

FOOT DOWN, YOU KNOW?

JUST LAY THE LAW DOWN.

JUST GET IN THEY ASS.

YOU KNOW?

THOUGHT THE POPE WOULD JUST STEP

OUT THERE AND BE LIKE, "LOOK,

YOU MOTHER-(BLEEP) GOTTA CUT

THIS (BLEEP) OUT, ALL RIGHT?

Y'ALL SOME DIRTY BASTARDS.

I'M SICK OF YOU MOTHER (BLEEP).

IF Y'ALL DO KEEP THIS (BLEEP)

UP, YOU GONNA BUST HELL WIDE

OPEN.

I'M SICK OF YOU MOTHER (BLEEP).

I'M--

THAT'S IT, RIGHT NOW,

YA' BITCH."

(LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE)

AND HE SHOULD USE THOSE EXACT

WORDS.

(LAUGHTER CONTINUES)

BECAUSE WHEN YOU DO SOMETHING

THAT WRONG: THE POPE SHOULD BE

ALLOWED TO CUSS YOU THE (BLEEP)

OUT.

(APPLAUSE)

BUT INSTEAD THE POPE AIN'T

REALLY SAY TOO MUCH.

YOU KNOW, HE KIND OF TOUCHED

ON IT.

THEN AGAIN, YOU KNOW, POPE

GETTIN' KIND OF OLD.

(LAUGHTER)

ALL RIGHT, WHO WE FOOLIN'?

THE POPE IS OLD, Y'ALL.

THE POPE IS OLD.

IT'S TIME TO START THINKING

ABOUT PUTTIN' THE POPE IN THE

OLD POPE'S HOME.

I'M SORRY.

AND THEN, THE MAN, HE CAN'T EVEN

STAND UP STRAIGHT.

THE POPE ALL DOUBLED OVER.

AND THEN, THEY PUTTIN' THAT

BIG OLD HEAVY HAT ON HIS HEAD

AND ALL THOSE HEAVY ROBES AND

STUFF.

LIGHTEN THE MAN'S LOAD UP.

GIVEN HIM A LITTLE BURGER KING

CAP OR SOMETHING.

HELP HIM OUT.

YOU KNOW?

(LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE)

HELP THE POPE OUT.

INSTEAD OF ALL THOSE HEAVY

ROBES, GIVE HIM A PAIR OF

PAJAMAS.

LET HIM WHERE A LITTLE TANK TOP

AND SOME SHORTS OR SOMETHING.

YOU KNOW?

GIVE HIM SOME HOUSE SHOES OR

SOMETHING.

HELP THE MAN OUT.

AND NOW, THE POPE GOT A

HUNCHBACK.

WHEN THE POPE GET A HUNCHBACK?

NOW HE GOT A HUNCHBACK.

YOU SEE THE BIG HUNCH ON HIS

BACK NOW.

THAT'S WHERE HE STORES ALL THE

CONFESSIONS THAT HE HEARS FROM

THE PRIESTS.

UH-HUH.

YOU DID WHAT?

OH, LORD.

OH-- OH, PLEASE, SHUT UP.

OH, OH.

OH, Y'ALL ARE KILLIN' ME.

OH, I CAN'T HEAR NO MORE.

MY HUNCH.

OH, OH.

THE BELLS, THE BELLS, THE BELLS.

(LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE)