Megan Mooney - Work It Out, Ladies

  • Season 10 , Ep 9
  • 03/16/2006
  • Views: 7,473

Megan and her sister have nothing in common. (2:14)

LACKS VOLUME CONTROL. THAT'S PERTINENT TO THE STORY.

THIS IS WHAT SHE YELLS.IT WAS A CROWDED ROOM.

SHE GOES, "I'M NOTUSING CONDOMS ANYMORE."

IT'S LIKE, "WHOA. NOR ARE YOU STARTING THE CONVERSATIONS.

WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU? YOU DON'T OPEN WITH THAT."

SHE'S GOES "THEY RUIN THE MOOD." "OH, MAYBE THEY DO,

BUT YOU KNOW WHAT ELSE RUINS THE MOOD? WHAAA! WHAAA!"

- YEAH! - YEAH, BUDDY.

TWO AT A TIME, THAT'S HOW MY COMEDY WORKS.

I SHARED A ROOM WITH MY SISTER.

SHARING A ROOM WITH A SIBLING IS NOT LIKE GOING TO COLLEGE.

YEAH. NO ONE SEEMED TO CARE THAT I WAS A NON-SMOKER

THAT DIDN'T LISTEN TO JOURNEY, NO.

THAT DIDN'T FACTOR INTO IT. WE FOUGHT ALL THE TIME,

'CAUSE WE HAD NOTHING IN COMMON, RIGHT?

EVEN TO THIS DAY SHE'S LIKE, "WE SHOULD RUN A MARATHON."

I'M LIKE, "ERIN, YOU CAN'T GO FROM MY LEVEL OF ACTIVITY

INTO A MARATHON. "MAYBE A GOOD START FOR ME

IS NOT TAKINGTHE CAR TO GET THE MAIL.MAYBE THAT'S WHERE--"

YEAH. BUT EVEN THAT, I'M LIKE,

"I DON'T WANNA GET SHIN SPLINTS."

EVERY TIME WE FOUGHT,MY DAD WOULD SAY THE SAME THING.

HE'D GO, "WORK IT OUT, LADIES."

AND WE'RE LIKE "DID YOU JUST CALL US LADIES?

THANKS, COACH. JUST EARNED YOURSELF ANOTHER CLIP BOARD

FOR FATHER'S DAY, YOU A-[BLEEP]."

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

I WAS HORRIBLE AT FIGHTING. I LOST EVERY ARGUMENT,

SO BY AGE TEN, I STOPPED ARGUING.

I JUST STARTED LAUNCHING A SERIES OF PERSONAL ATTACKS

THAT WEREN'T EVENRELATED TO THE ARGUMENT.

YOU EVER FIGHT LIKE THAT? IT'S A QUICK WAY TO WIN.

SHE'D BE LIKE "YOU CAN'T WEAR MY SWEATER." AND I'D BE LIKE

"YOU'RE A WHORE." YEAH, THEN I WOULD TAP-DANCE FOR SEVEN TO TEN MINUTES.

[LAUGHTER]

I USED TO START ARGUMENTS KNOWING MY PARENTS WOULD HEAR

THE WHOLE THING, AND THEN THEY WOULD COME IN AND BE ON MY SIDE.

THAT ONLY WORKS ONCE. PEOPLE CATCH ON.

LAST TIME I DID THAT, I WAS LIKE, "WHY DO YOU THINK YOU CAN JUST WEAR MY CLOTHES

WHENEVER YOU WANT WITHOUT ASKING?"

MY PARENTS ARE COMING IN TO SAVE ME, AND SHE GOES,

"'CAUSE I BOUGHT YOU A PREGNANCY TEST YESTERDAY."

"HEY! HEY! HEY! YOU CAN HAVE THE SWEATER."

[LAUGHTER]

I LIKE HANGING OUT WITH MY MOM.

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