Garfunkel and Oates - Most Amazing Booty Call

  • Season 1 , Ep 105
  • 06/08/2012
  • Views: 32,865

Garfunkel and Oates imagine how they would respond to a booty call message. (2:21)

One night Riki gotthe most amazing

booty-call messageof all time

And it went like this exactly.

"Hey Riki, it's Malcolm.

"I'm calling because I'm drunkand I know you won't judge me.

So let's get into some (bleep),crazy (bleep), naked, alcohol.

(bleep) just got real."

And then he hung up.

The crazy thing is,you don't know this guy.

You don't know where he lives.Like, that is real confidence.

Like, he's just like,"You know what?

I don't even need to saywhere I am. She will find me."

(chuckles)

I thought aboutwhat I would say to him.

And I think it'd go a littlesomething like this.

♪ You textat 3:00 in the morning ♪

♪ And you misspell my name

♪ You slept with halfmy friends on Facebook ♪

♪ And most of themthink you are lame ♪

♪ You say that with me,it's different ♪

♪ And you're notthat big of a dick ♪

♪ And if you disappear,it's 'cause you're busy ♪

♪ Not 'cause you'rewith some other chick ♪

♪ I know this might be uncouth

♪ But I decidedto tell you the truth ♪

♪ My self-esteem'snot low enough to date you ♪

♪ It's close,but not quite there ♪

♪ Give me time to geta little more desperate ♪

♪ And you and I couldmake an awesome pair ♪

♪ A totally awesome pair

♪ I seemlike your perfect target ♪

♪ Like I've been lonelyfor too long ♪

♪ You think I haven't had sexin forever ♪

♪ And I'll admitthat you're not wrong ♪

♪ But I would rather haveno one ♪

♪ Than this crap,let me reaffirm ♪

♪ I wouldn't touch your dickif I'd been poisoned ♪

♪ And the antidotewas in your sperm ♪

♪ I know that this mightbe uncouth ♪

♪ But I decided to tell youthe truth... ♪

♪ My self-esteem's not lowenough to date you ♪

♪ It's so close,but not quite there ♪

♪ Give me time to geta little more wasted ♪

♪ And you I could make anawesome pair-air-air, air-air ♪

♪ A totally awesome pair.

(cheering)

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