Larry's Tribute to Jon Stewart & Blacklash 2016: The Unblackening - Release the Kraken

August 5, 2015 - GOP Candidates & AP American History Debate 08/05/2015 Views: 7,840

Larry bids farewell to The Daily Show host Jon Stewart, and Donald Trump continues to eclipse his competitors on the eve of the first Republican presidential debate. (9:39)

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]>> Larry: THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]>> Larry: THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

THANK YOU.

WELCOME TO THE NIGHTLY SHOW.

LET ME TELL YOU GUYS, THERE ISNOTHING LIKE GETTING A ONE

PERSON STANDING OVATION.

THANK YOU, SIR.

(BLEEP)ING AWESOME, MAN.

ONE GUY IS GOING, LARRY.

I AM LARRY WILMORE.

OH, TONIGHT COMEDIANS CRAIGROBINSON AND JERROD CARMICHAEL

WILL JOIN US ON THE PANELTONIGHT.

VERY EXCITING.

VERY EXCITING.

HILARIOUS.

BUT FIRST I'D REALLY LIKE TOTAKE A MOMENT TO ACKNOWLEDGE THE

MAN WHO MADE THIS SHOW HAPPEN,JON STEWART.

>> TOMORROW JON WILL HOST HISFINAL DAILY SHOW AND I WANT TO

SALUTE HIM FOR A TRULYREMARKABLE RUN.

I MEAN HE DOESN'T HAVE ANYTHINGLINED UP AT THE MOMENT BUT JON'S

BROTHER-IN-LAW MANAGES ABENNIGAN'S BACK IN JERSEY, I AM

JUST SAYING.

HE SAYS THEY MAY HAVE SOMEOPENINGS AT THE END OF AUGUST

WHEN KIDS GO BACK TO COLLEGE SOMAYBE THAT WILL TURN INTO

SOMETHING.

I DON'T KNOW.

BUT AS A VIEWER, I AM GRATEFULFOR ALL THE LAUGHS AND SANITY HE

HAS PROVIDED OVER THE YEARS.

AND AS A PERFORMER I AM GRATEFULTHAT HE HAD THE CONFIDENCE TO

ENTRUST ME WITH THIS SHOW.

AND AS A CITIZEN, I AM REALLYGRATEFUL FOR ALL HE'S DONE

HELPING GET HEALTHCARE TO OURVETERANS AND 9/11 FIRST

RESPONDERS.

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] THANKYOU, JON.

WE ARE GOING TO MISS YOU, BUDDY

WE REALLY ARE GOING TO MISS YOU,AND JON, IF YOU EVER WANT TO

COME TO A TAPING, YOU KNOW, ANDHANG OUT, RIGHT? JUST VISIT THE

NIGHTLYSHOW.COM/TICKETS.

AND I GUARANTEE THEY WILL HOOKYOU UP, JON.

THEY WILL HOOK YOU UP!

>> ALL RIGHT.

OH.

I AM SO EXCITED YOU GUYS, TIMETO GET INTO TONIGHT'S ELECTION

COVERAGE.

WHAT IS HAPPENING WITH THEUNBLACKENING? I KNOW, I AM

ACTUALLY GIDDY TODAY.

AS THE SPECIAL DAY.

IT IS CRAZY WHAT THE (BLEEP) ISDONALD TRUMP GOING TO DO DEBATE

DAY EVE.

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]>> Larry: THAT'S RIGHT.

MAN, THE FIRST REPUBLICAN DEBATEIS TOMORROW NIGHT.

MAN, I AM SO EXCITED, LITERALLYI CANNOT CONTAIN MY EXCITEMENT,

I FEEL LIKE THE LEATHER PANTS ATA LENNY KRAVITZ CONCERTS.

OKAY.

I KNOW.

I KNOW.

A COUPLE OF THINGS.

NUMBER ONE, THAT ACTUALLY DIDHAPPEN.

WE DIDN'T MAKE THAT UP.

NUMBER TWO, I CANNOT NOW UNSEEIT.

WHY DID HE HAVE TO SHOW IT AGAINAND AGAIN? WHY DID HE DO THAT?

BY THE WAY THAT HAPPENS WHEREVERLENNY KRAVITZ GOES.

I DON'T KNOW IF YOU GUYS -- HEWAS AT AN OLIVE GARDEN, ALL HELL

BROKE LOOSE.

DON'T TOUCH IT, IT IS NOT ABREAD STICK, KIDS.

I AM JUST HERE TO REPORT THEINFORMATION.

ALL RIGHT.

BUT ANYHOW, SPEAKING OF DICKSTRYING TO GET AIRTIME, --

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]>> Larry: OH.

THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

WHO MADE THE FINAL COUNT FOR THEDEBATE? THE HOTTEST TICKET IN

THE COUNTRY IS NO LONGERAVAILABLE.

YES, IT'S A SOLDOUT SHOW INCLEVELAND, THIS IS THE LINEUP,

TRUMP, BUSH, WALKER, HUCKABEE,CARSON, CRUZ, RUBIO, PAUL,

CHRISTIE AND KASICH.

WHEW, I AM OUT OF BREATH.

>> Larry: OH, CAROL COSTELLO,YOU ARE OUT OF BREATH? WELL,

YOU COULD HAVE SAVED YOUR BREATHAND STOPPED AFTER TRUMP.

BECAUSE THAT'S ALL THAT I CAREABOUT.

AND WHILE DONALD TRUMP MAY HAVEA MONOPOLY MY ON AMERICA'S

INTEREST AND THE RICHES OF THEACTUAL MONOPOLY MAN HE DOES NOT

HAVE A MONOPOLY ON CRAZY, INFACT HIS CRAY-CRAY SEEMS TO BE

AFFECTING ALL THE OTHERCANDIDATES, HAVE YOU NOTICED

THAT? THEY SEEM TO BE UPPINGTHEIR CRAY-CRAY JUST TO GET SOME

ATTENTION.

SHOW US WHAT I MEAN, FORMERLYTHOUGHT TO HAVE BEEN THE

CRAZIEST CANDIDATE TED CRUZ.

♪>> MMMM, MACHINE GUN BACON.

>> Larry: OH, TED CRUZ.

THAT SEEMS SO REASONABLE TO MENOW.

I MEAN THE BARREL DOES GET KINDOF HOT.

RIGHT? I MEAN WHY WOULDN'T YOUPUT SOME BACON ON IT, RIGHT? I

WISH YOU WERE THE CRAZIEST ONE,BUT YOU ARE NOT.

SO STOP IT.

BECAUSE YOU KNOW WHAT TRUMPSAID? HE SAID HE WAS GOING TO

GET THE BLACK VOTE.

OH, MY GOD! OH, AH, HA, HA, HA.

OH (BLEEP)! THAT IS SO(BLEEP)ING CRAZY.

HE JUST TRUMPED YOU! I AM, IMEAN THE MACHINE GUN BACON DID

LOOK A LITTLE TASTY. THAT'S THEMOST SURPRISING MEAT I'VE

EVER SEEN ON VIDEO, BY THE WAY.

>> BESIDES THAT, BESIDES THAT,OKAY, ALL RIGHT.

IT IS THE SECOND MOSTSURPRISING.

OH WHAT OTHER CANDIDATE ISUPPING THE CRAY-CRAY.

>> YOU SAID I LIKE TO PUNCH THEMIN THE FACE.

AT THE NATIONAL LEVEL WHODESERVES A PUNCH IN THE FACE.

>> OH, THE NATIONAL TEACHERSUNION.

>> I HAVE USED BIRTH CONTROL ANDNOT JUST THE RHYTHM METHOD,

OKAY? SO, YOU KNOW, MY CHURCH,MY CHURCH HAS A TEACHING AGAINST

BIRTH CONTROL DOES THAT MAKE MEAN AWFUL CATHOLIC?

>> Larry: NO.

IT DOES NOT MAKE YOU AN AWFULCATHOLIC.

IT MAKES YOU AN AWFULTOASTMASTER.

THOSE PEOPLE ARE EATING.

AND IT IS NOT JUST ME WHO FEELSTHIS WAY ABOUT CHRIS CHRISTIE,

HIS OWN SUPPORTERS HAVE HARDENEDAGAINST HIM.

>> THAT IS WHAT SHE SAID.

THANK YOU, JEB, THANK YOU.

>> SO THEY TURNED AGAINST HIMNOT FOR IMAGINING HIM HAVING SEX

BUT FOR ACTUALLY SEEING HIMDISPLAY AFFECTION.

>> I CAN'T GET THE PICTURE OUTOF MY MIND AFTER SUPER STORM

SANDY WHEN OBAMA LANDED IN NEWJERSEY AND HE JUST CUDDLED UP

RIGHT, RIGHT UP TO HIM.

>> I NEVER FORGIVE HIM FORHUGGING OBAMA.

>> IT WAS A SHAKE DOWN TO GETMORE MONEY.

>> YOU DON'T HAVE TO EMBRACEHIM.

SHAKE HIS HAND.

>> THAT'S RIGHT.

THESE PEOPLE DON'T FORGIVE CHRISCHRISTIE FOR HUGGING THE

PRESIDENT.

DURING A NATIONAL CRISIS.

IT'S A HUG, PEOPLE.

I MEAN, ARE THEY WORRIED THATCHRIS CHRISTIE IS GOING TO CATCH

BLACK IF HE GETS TOO CLOSE? RIGHT? IT DOESN'T EVEN MAKE

SENSE.

GUYS, GUYS, LOOK, I HAVE SAID ITBEFORE, AND I WILL SAY IT AGAIN,

BLACK IS 100 PERCENTNONCOMMUNICABLE.

YOU CAN'T CATCH IT FROM HUGGINGOR KISSING OR SITTING ON A

TOILET SEAT.

PLEASE READ MY PAMPHLET.

MYTHS ABOUT CATCHING BLACK, APREVENTION GUIDE FOR TEENS AND

GOP CANDIDATES.

PLEASE.

OKAY.

SO HERE'S THE PROBLEM.

CANDIDATES NOT ONLY CAN'T OUTCRAY TRUMP, THEY CAN'T EVEN OUT

CRAY THE AUDIENCE WHO'S VOTINGFOR TRUMP.

AND NO MATTER WHAT YOU SAY TOTRUMP'S AUDIENCE THEY WILL NOT

LISTEN TO YOU.

>> HE CHANGED HIS VIEWS LIKE HECHANGES HIS UNDERWEAR.

SIX OUT OF TEN PEOPLE, SIX OUTOF TEN INDEPENDENTS ALREADY SAID

THEY WILL NOT VOTE FOR DONALDTRUMP.

>> I DON'T CARE.

IT DOESN'T MATTER.

>> HE DONATED TO HILLARY.

>> I DON'T CARE, I DON'T CARE.

>> HE DONATED TO SCHUMER.

>> I DON'T CARE.

HE DONATED TO ALL OF THESEDEMOCRATS.

>> FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, WILLSOMEONE LET HODOR SPEAK, PLEASE?

I AM JUST SAYING.

IT IS VERY UNFAIR.

I WANT TO FIND OUT HOW HE FEELSTRUMP DOES ON GIANT ISSUES.

YOU KNOW, LIKE WAITING PERIODSFOR THOSE SPIKY BALLS THAT YOU

SWING AROUND ON A CHAIN.

I JUST WANT TO KNOW.

SORRY, HODOR, YOU WILL HAVE TOWAIT.

ALL RIGHT, TRUMP SUPPORTER ISFINISHED BEING MAD ABOUT, WHAT

IS SHE MAD ABOUT AGAIN?.

>> THE OTHER REPUBLICANS BETTERSTOP MAKING FUN OF HIM BECAUSE

THEY MADE FUN OF RONALD REAGANAND I BELIEVE DONALD TRUMP COULD

POSSIBLY BECOME THE NEXTPRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES

OF AMERICA.

>> YOU KNOW WHAT? THIS IS THEPART THAT ACTUALLY SCARES ME.

OKAY? IT WOULD BE EASY FOR METO STEREOTYPE TRUMP'S SUPPORTERS

AS DUMB STUPID VOTERS WHO AREN'TPAYING ATTENTION TO ISSUES AND

ARE JUST REACTING EMOTIONALLY.

BUT IT IS POSSIBLE THEY COULDJUST BE LIKE THE JOKER AND JUST

WANT TO WATCH THE WORLD BURN.

I DON'T KNOW:I DON'T KNOW.

>> BUT THAT'S WHY THE REPUBLICANDEBATE IS SO IMPORTANT.

IF THE JOKER WINS TOMORROW ANDBECOMES MORE POPULAR AND

CONTINUES TO RISE IN THE POLLS,THE JOKE JUST MIGHT BE ON US.

WE WILL BE RIGHT BACK.