Kjell Bjorgen - Nine-Year-Olds

Season 1, Ep 0105 08/10/2006 Views: 6,621

Nine-year-olds are fun, pure and innocent -- but damn they're annoying. (1:35)

He's got a wife,he's got a baby.

You got the babies,you got the chitlins? No?

You got the chitlins? No? No?

All right.

Who's got the chitlins here?

No one. All right, fair enough.

I like kids.

I think kids are fun,they're pure,

they're innocent,you know what I mean?

They're fun, but I have a littlesister; she's nine years old,

and when they're nine years old,( bleep ) damn it.

They have an attention-seekingconstitution that is relentless.

Like, all she says is,"Watch me," or "Look at this."

That's all she says: "Watch me!""Look at this." "Look at that."

"What number is that?What number is that?"

"Look at me."Over and over again.

Like, honestly,it makes you want to drive drunk

on Halloween.

Look at Superman fly.

It's fun you guys, it's fun.

I don't do that,that's a joke, okay?

But here's what I do.

And if you got the chitlinsand they're annoying you,

this is great.

Honestly, when my sister'sin my face and annoying,

I honestly enjoy sneezingin the faces of small children.

Just let them have it,you know what I mean?

'Cause nothing usurpsthe attention of a nine-year-old

better than a sneezeto the face, okay?

And I feel you judging me,Gotham, I feel you...

Let's focus here, all right?

I will never raise my voiceto a child,

because when you yellat a child,

you steal their innocence, okay?

I will never raise my handto a child,

but I will ( bleep ) damn sneezein their face, okay?

'Cause they're too dumband young

to realize that you're spittingin their face.

It's a ruse is what it is.

So if you're getting frustratedwith kids, you don't grab them,

you don't dothe nanny-nanny shake.

No, you don't--you sneeze in their face,

'cause what you're doing isyou're getting the venom out

in a refreshing sea mist.