Sandra Bernhard - Prostitute on the Street

Jack Gallagher & Gary Lazer Season 1, Ep 0152 02/24/1992 Views: 1,050

Sandra embodies a prostitute waiting on a street corner. (3:08)

OH, YEAH.

Man:OH!

( sniffing )

OH, KISS MY ASS!

YOU DON'T HAVE ENOUGH MONEYFOR ME, HONEY, FORGET IT.

KEEP DRIVING.

WHAT DOES THIS LOOK LIKE, PRETTY WOMAN?

OH, MAN... JESUS CHRIST,I'M SO WORN OUT.

OH, GET A JOB, YOU'RE NOTBORROWING ANY MONEY FROM ME

YOU TACKY BAG PERSON,GET OUT OF HERE.

BAG PEOPLE, YOU KNOW,YOU KNOW

YOU CAN TURN A COUPLE OF TRICKS

YOU DON'T HAVETO LIVE LIKE THIS.

( laughter )

I'M GOING TO RINSE THESE OUT.

I'LL USE THEM AGAIN,THAT'S OKAY.

THEY'LL NEVERKNOW THE DIFFERENCE.

I GUESS I BORROWED THISFROM ONE OF MY CLIENTS.

NOT A COLOR I'D BE WEARING,BUT IT'S KIND OF PRETTY.

KIND OF A NICE MOCHA BROWN.

I GOT TO COVER UPTHOSE COLD SORES, OH, MAN.

MY NERVES ARE FRAYED TONIGHT.

I'VE BEEN ON AND OFFOF THIS BOULEVARD.

IT'S NOT EASY.

OH, A LIGHTER THAT WORKS.

WHAT A NOVELTY!

( laughter )

IT'S A FIRST, IT'S A FIRST.

OH, WHAT, DO THEY PUT HEROININ THESE CIGARETTES?

WHAT IS THIS?

IT'S LIKE I'M GOINGON A BAD TRIP.

I AM ON ONE.

OH, GOD, WE GET TO STAY

AND PLAY THIS LITTLE NASTY GAMEALL NIGHT.

I COULD BE JUST COMPLETELYJANE FONDA OUT OF KLUTE.

I HOPE TED TURNER'S WAITINGFOR ME SOMEWHERE.

BITCH STARTED OUT IN BARBARELLA

NEXT THING I KNOW SHE'S LIVINGDOWN IN ATLANTA.

LET'S NOT EVEN MENTIONTHE LITTLE STOP IN VIETNAM.

SO... LOOK... YOU KNOW, UM...

I'M JUST LIKE TAKING A MINUTETO INTRODUCE SOME OTHER PEOPLE

BECAUSE I'M OFF THE BOULEVARDAND I'M TIRED AND I'M COLD.

I NEED A NICE BOWL OF SOUP

AND THEN I'M GOING TO HIT ITAGAIN WITH A LOT OF ENTHUSIASM

BECAUSE THAT'STHE KIND OF GIRL I AM

ALWAYS UP FOR SOMETHING FUN.

( laughs )

BUT WE HAVE TO PAY FOR ALLOF THIS FANTASY, YOU KNOW.

WE'RE GOING TO BREAKFOR A COMMERCIAL.

ISN'T THAT FUNNYFOR ME TO BE SAYING?

MY WHOLE LIFE ISA BAD COMMERCIAL.

ISN'T THAT REDUNDANT?

APPARENTLY.

( laughter )