Drew Fraser - Getting Older

  • Season 9 , Ep 9
  • 03/31/2005
  • Views: 2,215

THAT'S WHY I SAY THANK GOD,

YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING, GET A

LITTLE BIT OLDER.

AND YOU EVER NOTICE THAT

THE OLDER YOU GET, THE MORE

THINGS BEGIN TO MAKE SENSE?

YES.

I REMEMBER BACK THE TIME WHEN I

WOULD LISTEN TO MY PARENTS,

AND I WAS ALWAYS SAYING WHEN

I WAS YOUNG, "I NEVER WANT TO BE

LIKE MY PARENTS.

I'M NOT GONNA BE LIKE THAT WHEN

I GET OLDER."

YOU GET 25, 30 YEARS OLD,

AND YOU REALIZE YOU ARE YOUR

PARENTS.

YOU START TAKING LIGHTS OFF OF

ROOMS YOU'RE NOT IN ANY MORE.

YOU TURN OF VIDEOS TO WATCH

THE NEWS.

THE OLDER YOU GET, YOU CAN'T DO

NOTHING UNLESS THERE'S A NAP

BUILT INTO THE EQUATION.

[LAUGHTER]

YOU KNOW WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT.

SOME OF YOU ALL, WOULDN'T OF

CAME OUT TONIGHT UNLESS YOU GOT

SOME SLEEP FIRST.

"AH, YOU WANNA GO TO THE SHOW?

LET ME LAY DOWN FOR A COUPLE OF

HOURS.

I'M TIRED AS HELL 'CAUSE I

DIDN'T GET NO SLEEP LAST NIGHT.

I DON'T CARE WHO PERFORMING

TONIGHT.

I GOTTA GO HOME AND GET SOME

REST."

[LAUGHTER]

HERE'S HOW YOU KNOW WHEN YOU'RE

REALLY GETTING OLD.

YOU GO OUT SOMEWHERE,

AND THE FIRST THING YOU DO IS

START LOOKING FOR CHAIRS.

"MAN, THERE'S NOWHERE TO SIT

DOWN IN HERE?

I NEED A SEAT.

THERE'S NO SEATS LEFT,

THERE'S NO SEATS AT ALL?

YOUNG MAN, CAN YOU BRING

SOME SEATS OUT, PLEASE?"

"WHAT TIME DOES THE SHOW START?

FIVE MINUTES?

OH, I CAN'T STAND UP FOR

FIVE MINUTES.

OH, MY GOD.

WHY DID YOU ALL OVERSELL?

THIS IS CRAZY.

OH, MY GOODNESS, IT'S CROWDED.

THIS IS BANANAS."

[LAUGHTER]

WHEN YOU WERE YOUNG, YOU HAD

TO BE AT WORK AT 9:00 AM.

YOU WAKE UP AT 8:30, [BLEEP],

SHOWER, AND SHAVE.

OUT THE DOOR, AND AT WORK

ON TIME.

BOY, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,

YOU HIT 25, 30 YEARS OLD,

YOU WAKE UP AT 8:30, YOU WILL

SIT AT THE SIDE OF THE BED

FOR 15 MINUTES AND CONTEMPLATE

WHETHER YOU GONNA GO TO WORK

OR NOT.

"MAN, I'M TIRED AS HELL.

YOU KNOW WHAT?

THEY'VE BEEN DISRESPECTING ME

AT THAT JOB.

THEY LISTEN TO WHAT I TELL THEM.

IT BETTER NOT BE RAINING

OUTSIDE, 'CAUSE I AIN'T GONNA

BE LATE AND WET, THAT'S FOR

[BLEEP] SURE.

YOU KNOW, LET ME JUST LAY DOWN

FOR FIVE MORE MINUTES, FIVE MORE

MINUTES.

LET ME LAY DOWN FOR FIVE

MINUTES."

[CHEERS, WHISTLES & APPLAUSE]

YOU LAY DOWN FOR FIVE MORE

MINUTES, YOU WAKE UP,

IT'S FRIDAY.

AIN'T THIS A DAMN SHAME?

I DONE MISS THREE DAYS OUT HERE.

GONNA HAVE TO TELL MY JOB

THE TALIBAN GOT ME OR SOMETHING.

THIS IS RIDICULOUS.

THE OLDER YOU GET YOUR SEX LIFE

CHANGES.

YES, IT DOES CHANGE.

IT GETS BETTER, 'CAUSE NOW

YOU'RE OLDER, YOU KNOW WHAT

YOU'RE DOING.

BUT IT DOES CHANGE.

EVERY MAN IN HERE THAT'S OVER

25, 30 YEARS OLD KNOW WHAT

I'M TALKING ABOUT.

I REMEMBER BACK IN THE DAY,

WHEN YOU MADE LOVE TO A WOMAN,

ALL YOU HAD TO DO IN THE BEDROOM

WAS TWO GOOD MINUTES.

POW, POW, POW!

[LAUGHTER]

AND SHE WAS HAPPY TO GET THAT.

FELLAS, NOT NO MORE, THESE WOMEN

ARE GREEDY AS HELL!

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

LOOK AT ĂșEM CLAPPING!

[LAUGHTER]

THESE WOMEN WANT TO REACH

THE PROMISED LAND THREE, FOUR,

FIVE TIMES IN ONE NIGHT.

LISTEN HERE, I AIN'T GOT THAT

KIND OF TIME.

SEX WITH ME IS LIKE A RACE.

WE BOTH START AT THE SAME TIME.

BUT WHOEVER GET TO THE

PROMISED LAND FIRST IS THE

WINNER!

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

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