YOU GUYS EVER HAVE SOMEBODY
CALL YOU BY THE WRONG NAME
REPEATEDLY?
AUDIENCE MEMBER>> ALWAYS!
TED>> AND FOR WHATEVER REASON,
YOU NEVER BOTHER TO CORRECT
THEM?
AFTER A WHILE YOU START TO KINDA
LIKE IT?
MY NEXT DOOR NEIGHBORS KNEW ME
AS KEVIN FOR LIKE EIGHT YEARS.
I LOVED IT, UNTIL ONE DAY MY MOM
SLIPPED AND TOLD 'EM MY NAME WAS
TED.
I WAS SO ANNOYED, I SAID,
"MOM...
HOW COULD YOU DO THAT?
YOU KNOW I'M KEVIN!
THEY NEEDED ME TO BE KEVIN AND I
WAS MORE THAN HAPPY."
IT WAS SO EMBARRASSING THE NEXT
TIME I SAW MY NEXT-DOOR
NEIGHBORS, THEY WERE LIKE--
"WHY DIDN'T YOU JUST TELL US?"
(LAUGHTER)
AND I WAS LIKE, "YOU LIKED ME AS
KEVIN.
YOU ACCEPTED ME AS KEVIN.
WHEN I WAS KEVIN THE WORLD WAS
ALIVE AND EVERYTHING WAS BRAND
NEW.
I'M JUST AFRAID TO LOSE ALL THAT
NOW."
THEY SAID, "LOOK, WE LIKE YOU AS
KEVIN, WE'LL LIKE YOU AS TODD."
(LAUGHTER)
I SUPPOSE YOU WILL.
(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)
LOT OF DIFFERENT NAMES FOR
EACH OTHER, RIGHT?
I LIKE ALL THE DIFFERENT NAMES.
ASIAN AMERICAN.
LATINO AMERICAN.
AFRICAN AMERICAN.
CAUCASIAN AMERICAN.
I'VE NEVER BEEN TO CAUCASIA...
BECAUSE I DON'T KNOW WHERE
THE HELL IT IS.
I WOULD LOVE TO VISIT THE
MOTHERLAND SOME DAY IF SOMEBODY
COULD POINT IT OUT ON A MAP.
HOW I LONG TO FROLIC AMONGST
MY PEOPLE AND DO THE DANCE OF
THE CAUCASIANS.
(LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE)
(WHISTLES AND CHEERS)