Dana Gould - Tapes

Dana Gould & Judy Gold Season 1, Ep 0123 02/24/1992 Views: 688

Dana prefers tapes. (2:46)

AND IT GOT STOLEN.

HE WAS SORT OFASKING FOR IT, REALLY.

I DON'T LIKE C.D.s, YOU KNOW.

I PREFER TAPES, I REALLY DO.

ESPECIALLY IF YOU'RE TAKINGA LONG TRIP

BECAUSE I LIKE TO MAKEMY OWN TAPES, YOU KNOW.

YOU JUST GET OUTON THE HIGHWAY, YOU KNOW

JUST POP IN A TAPE... ( beep )

( as Ann: ) "HI, IT'S ME.

"JUST CALLING TO WISH YOUA... MERRY CHRISTMAS

AND I'LL... TALK TO YOUAFTER THE HOLIDAY."

( beep )

( laughter and applause )

( sighs loudly )

WELL...

I THINK SO FAR THIS SHOWIS GOING REALLY WELL.

BUT... I'M NOT GOINGTO LIE TO YOU FOLKS.

SHOWS REALLY ARE INTERESTING.

IT'S LIKEA CONVERSATION, REALLY.

AND LIKE A CONVERSATION

IT STARTS OFF REALLY AWKWARD

BECAUSE YOU DON'T KNOWIF I'M FUNNY OR NOT.

I MIGHT BLOW,SO YOU'RE SORT OF EYEING ME.

AUDIENCES STILL HOLDA LITTLE BACK.

I'M NOT SAYING IT'S WRONG.

I COMPLETELY UNDERSTAND WHY.

I THINK THE THINGSTHAT YOU THINK

BECAUSE YOU'RE SITTING THERE,AND IT'S, LIKE:

"HEY, DANA!

"NOW, DON'T GET ME WRONG.

"I'D LIKE TO REALLY LAUGH.

"I MEAN, YOU'RE WITTY,YOU'RE INTELLIGENT

YOU'RE VERY ATTRACTIVE..."

( laughter )

( loud laughter )

"BUT I'M NOT GOING TO LIE.

"I'M A LITTLE MESSED UP.

"I MEAN, I'M NOT THE BEST METHAT I WANT TO BE.

"AND HERE YOU ARE MAKING FUNOF WHAT'S WRONG WITH EVERYBODY

"AND SOON YOU'LL TALK ABOUTWHAT'S ALL SCREWED UP ABOUT ME.

"THEN I WON'T WANT TO LAUGH

"AND BY NOT LAUGHINGI LET EVERYBODY KNOW

"THAT THAT'S WHAT'SALL SCREWED UP ABOUT ME.

"I CAME DOWN FOR ONE NIGHTOF ENTERTAINMENT

"AND YOU BLOW MY LIFE SECRETALL OVER THE DAMN ROOM.

"I WOKE UP, I TOOK A SHOWER,I WENT TO WORK

"I CAME HOME, I CHANGED,I CAME HERE

"I PAID TO PARK, I PAIDTO GET IN, I PAID FOR DRINKS

"WHAT DO I GET-- YOUR PROBLEMS?

"OH, THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

"APPARENTLY, MY LIFE'SNOT HARD ENOUGH.

"I WOKE UP THIS MORNING

"AND I SAID,'MY LIFE'S GOING SO WELL

"'I HOPE SOME WHINY PUNK COMES

"'AND PUKES ALL HIS TROUBLESDOWN MY GULLET.

"'LET ME PAY A LOT OF MONEY FIRST.

"'YEAH, YEAH, LET ME PAYA LOT OF MONEY

"'SO SOME SNOT-NOSED PUKE

"'CAN REGURGITATEALL HIS TROUBLES DOWN MY THROAT.

"'WE'RE ALL HERE, YOU'RE UP ONSTAGE, DO A DANCE, SING A SONG

SMASH SOME FRUIT WITHA BIG HAMMER-- ENTERTAIN ME!'"