John Wessling - Dad Goes Down

Season 1, Ep 0101 08/31/2006 Views: 2,314

John Wessling's dad is the one who inspired him to do comedy. (2:01)

couple months ago--very excited.

I'm a non-cigarette smoker.

And I'll tell you,I'll tell you what did it.

It was Canada.

You ever seen the warning labelsfor cigarettes in Canada?

They don't mess around.

Here in America, our littlewarning label is written, like,

"May cause birth defect."

In Canada,they show the birth defect.

You know, it's like, "Holy crap,I don't want a Flipper baby.

( bleep ) that.

I talked to my dadthe other day.

Dad hates thatI'm a stand-up comic.

But it's his fault.

Did the funniest thingI ever saw in my life.

Did the splitsgetting out of the shower.

Let that sink in--fat man, wet floor.

People, I can't write a jokebetter than that.

I'm downstairs,all I can hear is...

( imitates thud, screaming )

I get up there,he's spread-eagled on the floor,

all wet, fat, naked and fat.

'Cause he is fat twice.

And I get up there, I'm like,"Dad, are you all right?

Are you all right?"

And he's like,"Look over there."

"What happened, Daddy?"

"I'm pretty suremy nut went that way.

"Yep, the other one'sin my butt.

"I found it.

Go looking for the other."

My dad's favoritelittle sound...

And I don't know if you guysknow anyone from Texas.

You'll hear thisevery time you go to the South.

( grunting and whistling )

That's likethe redneck excited sound.

You hear that, run,

'cause there'sa hate crime coming.

You know what I'm saying?

( grunting and whistling )"He's different, let's get him,

put our wiener in him."( grunting and whistling )

And I heard it my whole lifegrowing up.

( grunting and whistling, bleep )

What the hellis that sound, you know?

But then they'll do itno matter what.

You get any rednecksall together

they're all...( grunting and whistling )

Like, "Hey, ( bleep ),look at that truck, man.

"That's the F-250with the power stroke diesel.

That's a good truck."

( grunting and whistling )