Kevin Hart - Angry Old Man

Hart, Miller, List, Lynn, McCarthy, Molondes, Averill Season 3, Ep 5 07/11/2008 Views: 84,449

Kevin's kids are starting to make him feel old. (2:11)


Why didn't you clap?

Stop being racist.Clap your hands, sir.

Clap your hands.

What's going on, New York?

How y'all doing?Is everybody good?

Everybody good?Everybody good?

(cheering and applause)

I love it! I like it.

I like the energy in the room.

We're gonna have a good timetonight.

I feel it!

I feel a good time, people!

If you're looking at me, you'rethinking I look happy, I am.

I'm at a great point in my life

right now.I'll tell you all why.

I got two kids, man.I just had another

baby not too long ago.

I'm excited about that.

(cheering and applause)Yeah!

Two kids.

Boy and a girl.

My life is changing, man.

When you get two kids, you seeyourself getting older.

I'm starting to do a lotof old people stuff.

I'm serious, man.I just wake up fussing.

When you got two kids,you just fuss,

you don't know whatyou're fussing at, but

you fuss'cause you got two kids.

They make you angry.You just wake up mad.

Hey, who, uh, got the thingwith...

Put the stuffin the refrigerator, boy!

I'll kill you.I'm your father. Listen.

My d-- my son, I don't even knowwhat I'm mad at half the time.

I just yell at my son.He's only

three months, but I yell at him.

Hold your head still!


He can't, he can't do it,

though, 'cause he's too young.

But I like it.I like being a dad.

I like the whole responsibilityof having kids

and now you got to dodifferent things.

But I'm too protective though.

I can't take my daughterto the park no more,

'cause I get madat the other kids.

I don't like watching other kidsplay with my daughter.

I think they play too rough.

She was playing in the sandboxthe other day, right.

She had her hands, she'sin the sandbox, she's playing.

She's like, "Dad, look,look, Dad!" And I look.

She wasn't really buildingnothing, so I was kind of mad.

I was like, baby, you know,you're not really doing

nothing, you know.

Right now we look kindof retarded as a family.

You know, you got to,you got to build something

with the sand, you know.

Look at this boy,he's building a castle.

Do what he's doing.

So, she starts doing it again,

and this little boy camewhile she was doing it.

He came and walkedthrough the sand.

He started messing it upand she looked at me

and she gave me a look.

It wasn't a looklike, "Dad, go beat him up,"

but it was like,"Dad, go do something."

I didn't know what to do.I panicked.

I grabbed some sand,I put it in my hand,

and I threw it in the boy's eye,

'cause I didn't, I didn't knowwhat to say to him.

I just threw it in his eye,and he was like, "Ah!"

When he covered his eyes,I beat him up.

I whooped his ass.It was quick.

Nobody broke it up'cause it looked like two,

two kids was fighting.Don't nobody say nothing.

'Cause I'm small.

He was a, he was a tall six,though.

If you'd seen his face,you should understand.