Nate Bargatze - Terrible Traveler

Nate Bargatze: Full Time Magic Season 1, Ep 1 05/02/2015 Views: 2,984

Nate Bargatze recounts some unhelpful snakebite treatment tips that he got from a cab driver in Honduras. (2:26)

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I travel a lot doing comedy,which is great.

I've been to, like,a bunch of different countries,

and I--like,it's all wasted on me.

It would be betterfor you guys to go than me.

I don't know where I'm at,like, in the world,

like, when I'm there.

Like, I could be an hourfrom my parents

or, like, five days.

I'm like, "I don't know.It's somewhere, you know?"

I went to Bahrain,

and I told peopleI went to Bahrain, Saudi Arabia,

like it was the cityof Saudi Arabia.

And they were like, "You knowBahrain's its own country."

I was like, "Are they now?Good for those guys, you know?

Yeah, that's good.Good for them."

I went to Honduras.I went there.

Pretty--I have a pretty decentfan base there, and...


Yeah, this special'sgonna blow that place up once--

I mean, they're gonna be like,"Wow, that's unbelievable."

A lot of fans,and it's--

No, I'm joking.[laughs]

It was--it was a USO tour,so we go.

And I rememberI went to the airport,

and I, like, told the guy--

I was like, "Hey,I'm going to Honduras."

And the guy was like,"All right, like, what city?"

And I was like, "Well, I mean,I'm just learning right now

that's not the nameof the city."

[laughter and applause]


"You know, where do you thinkI would be going?

"Like, looking at me,

which plane do you want meto get on?"

We land in Honduras,

and this guy picks us up.

He's driving usto the army base,

and on the way there,he was like, "Look.

There's a couple thingsyou got to keep an eye out for."

He's like,"When you go to bed at night,

"you got to check your bedfor spiders.

Like,spiders hide in your bed."

He's basically just like,"You're not gonna sleep.

Hope that's cool."

And then he's like,"There's a lot of snakes too,

"a lot of venomous snakes,so keep an eye out for snakes.

"But if you do get bitby a snake,

"the best thing to do is goahead and just catch the snake

"and then bring it with youto the doctor.

"And you're just gonna be like,

'This is the snakethat bit me.'"

And I was like, "What?

"I'm not gonna dothat part of it.

"Like, you want meto catch a snake, dude?

"I've never caught a snakein my life.

"And you want me to get bit.

"Then I got to get it together

and catch a snakefor the first time?"

I was like,"It's not gonna go good.

"He's gonna keep biting me.

That's all that's gonna happen."

And he was like,"It doesn't matter.

You've already been bit."

And I was like, "What?

"Do you even knowwhat a snake is?

"Because it completely matters.

"There is a huge differencebetween one bite

"and probably 30 bites,

"which is what we will be atif I try to catch this snake.

"Like, who told you to say this,the snake?

Is that who you asked?"