Tom Papa - Speedos

  • Season 11 , Ep 9
  • 02/15/2007
  • Views: 13,664

Getting in shape is such a drag. (1:40)

- [CHEERS AND CATCALLS]- YEAH, I KNOW.

WELL COME ON-- I'VE GOT A WIFE AND A COUPLE OF KIDS.

I WALK TO THE BEACH NOW.I'VE GOT DIAPER BAGS

FILLED WITH CRAP, PULLING WAGONS BEHIND ME.

NO WOMEN ARE LOOKING AT ME ANYMORE.

SO I FIGURE IF I WEAR THE SPEEDO THEY'LL BE HORRIFIED

BUT AT LEAST THEY'LL GIVE ME A GLANCE.

THE ONLY THING CREEPIER THEN SEEING A GUY IN A SPEEDO;

IS SEEING A GUY IN A SPEEDO STARING BACK AT YOU.

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

YOU GOTTA GET IN SHAPE FOR THAT.I DON'T LIKE GETTING IN SHAPE.

GETTING IN SHAPE IS SUCH A DRAG. YOU'RE SO WHINEY,

AND NO ONE EVEN WANTS TO HANG OUT WITH YOU

WHEN YOU'RE TRYING TO LOSE WEIGHT.

YOU NEVER HEAR YOUR FAT FRIENDS SAY SOMETHING LIKE,"NO, I REALLY SHOULDN'T."

YOU WALK WITH YOUR FAT FRIEND MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT

"YOU WANNA STOP FOR SOME PIZZA?" "HELL YEAH."

"NO, I DON'T EAT CARBS AFTER SIX O'CLOCK.

YAN, YAN, YAN. YAN, YAN, YAN.YAN, YAN, YAN."

"SHUT UP OR I'LL EAT YOU, TOO."

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

YOU EVER FEEL LIKE YOU'RE SUCH A FAT DISGUSTING SLOB

THAT YOU JUST START EXERCISINGRANDOMLY IN THE MIDDLE OF

SOME OTHER ACTIVITY? YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?

YOU'RE IN LINE AT THE BANK,ALL OF A SUDDEN

- "MAYBE THIS WILL HELP MY ASS." - [LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

THAT'S WHY YOU GET MARRIED ULTIMATELY. ALL THOSE YEARS SINGLE,

RUNNING AROUND LIKE AN IDIOT TRYING TO STAY IN SHAPE.

JUST TRYING TO HOOK UP. AS SOON AS YOU GET MARRIED,

FINISH LINE. IT'S IN THE RULES, I LOVE YOU, YOU LOVE ME,

WE CAN'T HAVE SEX WITH OTHER PEOPLE...

- LET'S EAT A CHOCOLATE CAKE. - [LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

"YOU WANT ICE CREAM ON THAT?" "YOU BET YOUR FAT ASS I DO."

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