Roast Battle II - Yamaneika Saunders vs. Joe Dosch

Roast Battle II: Night Three - Uncensored Season 2, Ep 7 01/28/2017 Views: 2,573

Joe Dosch shares his theory about why Yamaneika Saunders appeared on The Nightly Show, and she burns him with a jab about his lackluster personality. (5:39)

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- Let's roast!

[bell dinging] - [clears throat]

Yamaneika wason "The Nightly Show,"

it was actually"The Daily Show,"

but she blocks out the sun.

[laughter]

- Wh--what isall of this you doing

I suck dick tooand I don't do all that shit.

Now...[laughter]

I am a big, black woman,

and you knowI know some fabulous gay men

who are fun and energetic,but this [bleep] here

is boring as shit.

Now I know you didn'twalk out of the closet,

but I'm wondering if yougot out of a goddamn coma.

Curtsy, [bleep].

audience: Oh.[laughter]

- Thank you, Lisa Lampa-mammy.

[laughter]

You know...

you know, the first show,Yamie died her hair blue,

but she belongsin "The Color Purple."

audience: Oh.

- Now Joe used to date a cop,

so he has a lot of empathy

for black peoplebeing manhandled by the police.

- Mm-hmm.- The only difference is

when he says "I can't breathe"

it's because he's gota dick in his mouth.

- Well... [alarm blaring]

Well, that's just bullying.

Calm down, dear.I'm not a customer service rep.

I--[laughter]

Well, you know...

- Is he serious?- Mm-hmm.

- No you're a makeup designerat MAC.

[bleep], what?

- You know what, Yamie?You're a real pain in the butt

and a real pain in the neck.

That's because yours startat the same place.

[laughter]

- Clearly I got a neck.

Clearly I got a ass.

[gentle guitar music playing]

- Right.

These'll fit in oneof your butt cheeks, right?

- Yeah, it'll fit in your ass'cause you got a huge ass.

Now as you can tell,

he has a lotof racist undertones to him.

So I guess you're tryingto be a white power bottom.

You know, you be doingsomething like,

"Hey, Hitler!"- [laughs]

Mm, yeah.[clearing throat]

- Last joke.

- Thank you, Sarah Silverback.

audience: Oh![laughter]

Hey, uh, look...

Hey, all, come on--- But look what he got on.

That's what I don't understand.- Look, look, look, look--

- You got a lot of confidence.

You look like you suffer fromchildhood leukemia, [bleep].

Shut up.- All right, okay, you know--

look, honestly, Yamie,

I really hope you winthe "Roast Battle" trophy.

You can put itnext to your Oscar

from "Gone With the Wind."- Okay.

Can you back up?Your breath smells like ass.

Now, you may not know this,

but Joe isa recovering alcoholic.

He's actuallyin a 12-step program,

and 11 of those stepsare him voguing.

[laughter]

[tiger roars, bell dinging]

- Good job!- Wow.

- That's it.Joe Dosch, Yamaneika Saunders.

[cheers and applause]

- [grunts]- [laughs]

Whoo.

Jeff, judges, scrutinize.

- I really lovewatching you two battle.

That was a tour-de-forcefor both of you.

You worked so hardthese last couple days.

So, Sarah, you look likeyou're ready to say something.

You look a little in shock.- I have so much to say.

I, like--Yaman--first of all,Yamaneika,

I feel like I know you so well

because I watched every episodeof "Funny Girls..."

- I'm sorry.- And I really loved you on it.

- Oh, my God,that's such an honor.

Thank you, Sarah.I love you too.

- Well, I liked it, Jeff.Yamaneika seemed so mad,

but then when you guys hug

and the way you're standingright now,

it just--it warms my cockles,

and, uh, Yamaneika,

your use of the N-wordis transcendent.

I--it really is.

I can't waitto not try it myself.

- So is mineif you get to know me.

- But it--there's somethingabout it,

and, uh, but Joe,you're a writer.

Your jokes are just perfect.- Thank you.

- Um, so it's really,like, a-a writer

and just th--a force.- Mm.

- Um, shit this is so hard,

but I'm gonna give it to Joe.- Thank you, dear.

- Just for the writing.

But you're both awesome.

- Thank you, baby.- Awesome.

- Joe Dosch, up one.

- Yamaneika, you came out,you didn't even give a breath.

You just started punching.- It's true.

- It was unbelievable.

It was--the bellhadn't even been done ringing

and blows were being dealt.It was beautiful.

- Don't say "blows"when Joe's listening.

- It is--I know, I shouldn't.- Hey.

- You did use wonderfulpercussive use of a certain word

that--that Joe couldn't use,

and let's look at thisa little bit in a pragmatic way.

He was short that word,you got to use it.

It's a very rhythmic,powerful word.

You made it work for you,

but now you're standingnext to each other

like you're trying to find outhow many stars you're gonna get

on "Star Search."It's the--you're, like--

it's the "Star Search," like--"Either one of us.

Whoever it's gonna be."

Um, I love ending any roast jokewith "dick in his mouth."

It's beautiful.

It doesn't matterhow you set it up.

You just say--and then--but you got--

when you said"white power bottom,"

that portamento right there...

muah!- Excellent.

- I thought it was beautiful.I thought it was beautiful.

So I'm gonna give itto you Yamaneika

because, uh...- Thank you.

- Oh, the tension.- Thank you.

- I thought it was--- 1 to 1.

- Yamaneika,the "I can't breathe" joke

killed me.That was so funny.

The voguing thing you did.So funny.

Your counterpunches tonight,Yamie, were hilarious.

You know, every single night,you get better.

Joe Dosch, holy shit.

"Daily Show"/"Nightly Show,"Lisa Lampa-mammy,

"The Color Purple."

This is sucha writer's showcase,

and you really had slightly moreconsistent humor tonight, Joe.

Yamaneika, I think you became

a star in comedy this week...- Yeah.

- But I think Joe Doschwon that battle,

so congratulations.[cheers and applause]

- Go--moving onto the final four,

Joe Beats Volcano!

[hip-hop music]