The Rio de Janeiro Olympics: Welcome to Hell

July 6, 2016 - Terry McMillan 07/06/2016 Views: 22,686

As Rio de Janeiro prepares to host the Olympics, super bacteria is discovered in Guanabara Bay, and local police greet travelers with a foreboding sign. (2:04)

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let's continuein our continuing coverage

of the countdownto the Rio Olympics.

Well, it turns out,

Rio has miraculouslyturned everything around

and everything is goingaccording to plan.

Oh, I'm-I'm sorry,I keep forgetting.

It's the Southern Hemisphere,so it's the opposite.

REPORTER: Lurking under Rio's waters: raw sewage,

and now, what scientists describe as super-bacteria.

The highest levels of super-bacteria

found on the shores of Guanabara Bay,

site of the Olympic sailing event a month from now.

It's a nice sailing,uh, area but, uh,

every time you get some waterin your face,

it feels like there's, uh,

some alien enemyentering your face,

so I keep my noseand my-my lips closed.

(audience laughing)

First of all,what is that music?

Does that just playwhen Germans talk?

What is that?

And also, if you ever wonderhow a small country like Germany

almost took overthe entire world,

it's easy to understandbecause of this guy.

Because the solutionto the problem

of an alien entering himis to just stop breathing.

You just stop breathing,that's all you do, ja.

But the toxic water is just thetip of the (bleep) iceberg here.

I mean, there are concernsabout infrastructure,

the economy, political turmoil,

Zika and security fears,

but don't worry, people,the Rio police have it covered.

Ah, sorry wait, sorry,Southern Hemisphere.

REPORTER: Last week police force

greeted visitors at Rio airport

with a banner reading "Welcome to hell."

The police?

(audience laughing)

The police are telling youthe city is like hell?

That's like goingto a restaurant

and the chef telling you,

"Oh, you are definitelygetting food poisoning.

"You... you...(makes sound of vomiting)

You are gone."

At this point just living in Rioshould be an Olympic sport.

I mean,things have gotten so bad,

even Rio's Christ the Redeemerstatue is like,

"Peace out, bitches!"