Christopher Titus - Formal Apology

Christopher Titus: The 5th Annual End of the World Tour Season 1, Ep 101 03/17/2007 Views: 28,407

Christopher Titus attempts to apologize for America's 400-year faux pas. (3:19)

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WHITE PEOPLE LISTEN UP.I FOUND THIS IN MY STUDIES.

THERE AREWHITE PEOPLE JOKES.I KNOW.

[LAUGHTER]

AND LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,THESE JOKES ARE HARSH.

I KNOW THAT 'CAUSENONE OF MY BLACK FRIENDSWILL TELL ME ANY OF 'EM.

AND I HAVE ASKED.COME ON JUST GIVE ME ONE.

NAH, MAN, YOU DON'TWANT TO HEAR IT, REALLY.

I SIGNED THE WAIVER. LEGALLYI CAN'T TELL YOU THE JOKE.

YOU KNOW WHY THOSE JOKESARE SO HARSH AND SO FUNNY?

'CAUSE THEY HAD 400 YEARSTO WRITE THOSE JOKES.

AND HERE'STHE PROBLEM RIGHT NOW,

THE PROBLEM WE HAVE WITHBLACK PEOPLE RIGHT NOW ANDIT'S ON WHITE'S PEOPLE SIDE,

EVERY WHITE PERSONIN OUR COUNTRY KNOWS WHATOUR ANCESTORS DID.

WE KNOW HOW WRONG, HORRIBLE,VICIOUS AND BRUTAL IT WAS

AND THE THING IS WHAT HAPPENEDIS JUST SO OUTRAGEOUS,

FRANKLY, NONE OF US KNOWWHAT TO SAY ABOUT IT, MAN.

HOW DO YOU APOLOGIZE FOR A400-YEAR FAUX PAS LIKE THAT?

OOPS. "MY BAD"JUST DOESN'T COVER IT.

MY BLACK FRIENDSBRING UP SLAVERY.

I CAN'T EVEN TALK, MAN.I'M LIKE, OH, OH, OH, OH!

[STAMMERING,BLOWING RASPBERRIES]

- [STAMMERING CONTINUES]- [LAUGHTER]

YOU GUYS KNOWI WASN'T THERE, RIGHT?

COME ON LET'S GOSHOOT SOME HOOP.

NOT THAT YOU'REPRE-DISPOSED TO SHOOT HOOP.

OH, GOD, DON'T BEAT ME UP.PLEASE, DON'T BEAT ME UP.

A LOT OF WHITE PEOPLE ARE AFRAIDTHEY'RE GONNA HAVE TO WRITE

A REALLY BIG CHECK, TOO.BUT I DID SOME RESEARCH.

I FOUND MANY BLACK LEADERS HAVESAID THAT IN CAVEAT REPARATIONS

AS MUCH AS THEY WISH SOMEBODY,ANYBODY WOULD JUST STEP UP AND

MAKE A FORMAL APOLOGY.AND THAT'S FAIR, ISN'T IT?

AND I BELIEVE ONE MANCAN MAKE A DIFFERENCE.

THAT IF ONE MAN TOOK100 PERCENT RESPONSIBILITY,

- THE HEALING CAN START. GO.- [LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

DUDE, THERE'S SOME PEOPLERIGHT BEHIND YOU, MAN. COME ON.

PFLT! ALL RIGHT, WHITEY,I GOT IT.

[LAUGHTER]

GOOD EVENING, BLACK PEOPLE.FIRST OF ALL,

MAY I SAY YOU'RE RIGHT,YOU DO DANCE BETTER THAN US.

BUT ON THE OTHER HAND,I ALSO LOVE CHICKEN.

[LAUGHTER]

NOW THAT WE HAVE FOUNDSOME COMMON GROUND MAY I SAY,

I APOLOGIZE.SLAVERY WAS ALL MY FAULT.STUPID! STUPID! STUPID!

I THOUGHT IT WASGONNA BE A FUN TRIP.

WE'RE GOING TO AFRICA.WOO-WHO!

BUT ALL WE BROUGHTWAS BEER AND NO WOMEN.SO WHEN WE GOT THERE,

WE WERE JUSTHUNG OVER AND PISSED OFF.

AND THEN ALL HELL BROKE LOOSE.I APOLOGIZE.

WE SHOULD'VE JUSTBROUGHT BACK PLANTS.

BUT WE HAD THISCOUNTRY TO BUILD.

AND WE NEEDED SOME PEOPLE.

WE COULD'VE USEDTHE INDIANS TO HELP US.

BUT, BUT WE KILLED THEM.

[LAUGHTER]

- TO THE INDIAN PEOPLE...- [LAUGHTER, CHEERS & APPLAUSE]

- I ALSO LOVE WHISKEY...- [LAUGHTER CONTINUES]

- AND HATE TRASH ON THE FREEWAY.- [LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]