Andy Zaltzman - Figments and Fictions

Dan St. Germain, Adam Lowitt, Andy Zaltzman, Dana Gould Season 3, Ep 6 08/24/2012 Views: 5,036

Andy Zaltzman feels that capitalism got overexcited in the aftermath of its victory over communism. (1:52)

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It is based on figments andfictions and people

essentially gambling on stuffthat doesn't actually exist.

And essentially, whathappened is that capitalism

got overexcited in theaftermath of its points

victory over Communism in theCold War in which it was

helped by the fact thatCommunism spent the entire

fight standing in the cornerpunching itself in the face.

You like the Cold Warboxing analogies? Good.

So, um, I know you're veryconcerned about Communism.

It gets everywhere.

Communism... sperms arecommunists.

Well, Stalinists, really.

Only one of them gets toachieve anything and millions

of them die for nothing.

But... one more. Jot it down.

What happened was capitalismthen got overexcited,

walked into a casino and putthe entire global economy on

red whilst announcing toeveryone,

"don't worry, I'vegot a system."

And sadly that didn't work outand things have gone more

tits up than Dolly Partonswimming back stroke.

And I think we have to startlearning lessons from this.

We can learn a very importantlesson from the American

mortgage sector that seemedto kick this whole thing off.

A very importantlesson and that lesson is

that if you do lend a lot ofmoney to people who have

absolutely no way of payingthat money back, then,

conceivably, they mightnot pay that money back.

Now... that is the kind ofthing we can only learn by

trial and error, isn't it?

I would say that is verymuch like slamming

your testicles in a car door.

You know, until you actuallydo it,

you do not know for surewhether or not it will hurt

and you cannot build a globaleconomy on hypothetically

painful testicles, asJohn Maynard Keynes

himself once said.