Dan Boulger - That's Not Close

Season 2, Ep 0206 06/21/2007 Views: 4,035

Dan Boulger hasn't seen his friend Walt in seven years. (2:30)

I'm 21, though, so I can getinto clubs and bars and stuff,

which is great, 'cause you everjust been by a place

and been, like, "Man, if I wentin there I know I'd get laid"?

I get that feelingall the time...

'cause I live near a prison.

Not going to getvery political up here.

I'm not going to make funof President Bush.

I'm tired of people doing that.

They make him out to sound likehe's worse than he really is.

They make Bush outto sound like he's Hitler.

And people have to rememberthat there's a big difference

between Bush and Hitler.

Hitler wrote a book.

(applause and laughter)

I'm, uh, I'm very apatheticby nature.

I don't really care about stuff.

People tell methat's a bad thing.

I think it's a great thing,

and I think that more peopleshould be that way.

That's why I'm currently writinga children's book.

It's called The Little Engine That Said (bleep) It.

I hate to give awaythe ending, but...

"Hey, look at that hill!

"I'd better get up there.

"I think I can. I think I can.I think I can.

You know what? (bleep) it."

Been in New York for the betterpart of a week.

The other day I raninto this guy on the street,

and I hadn't seen himin like seven years.

So when I saw him,I couldn't remember his name.

I was, like, "Oh, dude,

I haven't see you in, like,seven years.

Are you Steve?"

He was, like, "No,but you were close.

It's Walt."

That's not close.

What I want to know is whatcould I have possibly said

to this guy that he would havebeen like, "No, you're way off."

Would I have had to have gonelike,

"Oh, dude, I haven't see you in,like, seven years.

Are you a chair?"

That dude, Walt, he never reallymade anything out of himself.

He dropped out of collegeafter one year,

and he was recently firedfrom Burger King.

It's just kind of weird

'cause I rememberwhen I was a kid

I was playing video gamesat his house.

And his dad just stormedinto the room and he was, like,

"You're lazy and you're nevergoing to amount to anything!"

It just kind of weird'cause I grew up this whole time

just assuming that his dadwas a dick.

As it turned out,he was a psychic.

Who could have guessed, really?