Jimmy Pardo - Do It Yourself Haircut

  • Season 6, Ep 11
  • 06/30/2002
  • Views: 2,688

Jimmy thinks it's a good idea to cut his own hair. (2:53)

AT THIS POINT, SHOULD EXPLAIN

TO YOU AT THIS POINT WHAT IS

HAPPENING ON TOP OF MY HEAD

AS WE CURRENTLY SPEAK.

THIS IS DAY 14 OF MY HEAD

HELD HOSTAGE BY THIS GOD-AWFUL

HAIRCUT.

(LAUGHTER)

REASON BEING.

TWO WEEKS AGO TODAY, I TRIED

TO CUT MY OWN HAIR.

UM-HMM, JACKASS!

(LAUGHTER)

HERE'S WHY I TRIED TO CUT MY OWN

HAIR.

MY NECK HAIR GROWS FASTER THEN

THE REST OF THE HAIR ON MY HEAD.

I'M NOT KIDDING.

THIS IS GOING TO TAKE SIX MONTHS

TO GROW OUT.

THIS IS TOM JONES IN 48 HOURS.

YEAH, HAPPY OR NOTHING.

IN TWO DAYS, I CAN HANG

ORNAMENTS OFF MY NECK HERE IN

DECEMBER.

THAT'S HOW THICK IT GETS.

SO I THOUGHT, TO SAVE MYSELF

FROM GETTING A HAIRCUT EVERY

4 1/2 HOURS...

(LAUGHTER)

I WOULD START TO CUT MY OWN NECK

HAIR.

SO, TWO WEEKS AGO I'M WALKING

AROUND TARGET...

WHICH IS A BOUTIQUE IN

LOS ANGELES.

(APPLAUSE)

I'M WALKING AROUND TARGET;

I'M IN THE COSMETICS SECTION.

WHICH IS MY BUSINESS, NONE OF

YOURS.

AND I DISCOVERED THERE'S A WHOLE

WALL OF HAIRCUTTING EQUIPMENT.

WHICH MEANS, I'M NOT THE ONLY

IDIOT THAT THOUGHT THAT THIS

WAS A GOOD IDEA.

SO, I PICK ONE OF THE

HAIRCUTTING KITS OUT.

IT'S ON SALE FOR $15 AND I GOT

THAT KIND OF MONEY ON ME.

YOU KNOW WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT?

OH, YEAH, YOU DON'T WALK AROUND

A BOUTIQUE LIKE THAT WITHOUT

15 CLAMS IN YOUR POCKET.

YEAH, WHAT DO YOU NEED THREE

FIVES?

DONE.

(LAUGHTER)

FIVE AND A TEN?

INSIDE POCKET.

TWO FIVES AND A FIVE?

CAN DO.

(LAUGHTER)

OH, SLOW THE HELL DOWN.

TWO TIMES FIVE IS TEN PLUS

FIVE-- SON OF A GUN, FIFTEEN.

THERE IT IS.

(LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE)

I BUY IT.

I BRING IT HOME.

I PLUG IT IN.

I USE THE ELECTRICITY RIGHT

THERE AT MY HOUSE.

YEAH, MY PLACE HAS IT.

ALL I WANT TO DO GUYS IS CLEAN

UP THE NECK.

THAT'S THE GAME PLAN HERE.

THAT'S WHY I GOT THE OVERHEAD

PROJECTOR OUT THE FLOW CHART.

THE COLORED PENCILS.

ALL I WANT TO DO IS THE NECK.

I'VE GOT A RULER OUT.

HEY, I'VE GOT A COMPASS INVOLVED

FOR NO REASON.

ALL I WANT TO DO IS THE NECK.

SO, HERE WE GO.

PLUGGED IN POWER ON, HERE WE GO.

ZZZZZZZ...

THREE SWIPES.

THE HAT TRICK.

DONE DEAL.

SO SIMPLE SO EASY.

I ACTUALLY WENT, YOU KNOW WHAT?

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