Chelsea Handler - Romantic Comedies

  • Season 11 , Ep 13
  • 03/08/2007
  • Views: 31,986

Chelsea doubts the realism of romantic comedies. (1:33)

I HATE ROMANTIC COMEDY MOVIES THAT MAKE YOU FEEL LIKE [BLEEP] ABOUT YOURSELF

'CAUSE YOU KNOW THESE THINGS WILL NEVER HAPPEN TO YOU.

AND THERE'S THREE FORMULAS I FIGURED OUT

'CAUSE I SPENTA LOT OF TIME HUNG OVER.

AND MY FAVORITE IS WHERE J.LO IS WALKING ACROSS THE STREET

AND TRIPS OVER SOMETHING RIDICULOUS

LIKE A LEAF OR SOME [BLEEP]. AND THEN MATTHEW MCCONNA-GAY

COMES WHIPPING AROUND THE CORNER.

JUST IN THE NICK OF TIME, AND HE-- WHEN DOES

[BLEEP] LIKE THAT HAPPEN IN REAL LIFE? I FALL ALL THE TIME.

YOU KNOW WHO COMES AND GETS ME, THE BOUNCER.

[LAUGHTER, CHEERS & APPLAUSE]

YEAH.

THESE MOVIES ARE SO DEPRESSING, YOU KNOW, YOU SEE 'EM AND THEN

THEY MEET SOMEWHERE ROMANTIC, AND THEN AT THE 60-MINUTE MARK

THEY BREAK UP, AND THEN AT THE 90-MINUTE MARK

THEY GET BACK TOGETHER-- THEY BUMP INTO EACH OTHER

BY CO-INKY-DINK OR SOME [BLEEP], YOU KNOW?

BY THE RIVER OR ON THE TARMAC AS THERE ARE 747s--

WHO EVER CHASED YOU DOWN A RUNWAY?

WHEN DOES THIS EVER HAPPEN?

YOU DON'T RUN INTOEX-BOYFRIENDS AND EX-GIRLFRIENDS

WHEN YOU'RE LOOKING GOOD AND WANT TO.

LAST TIME I RAN INTO AN EX-BOYFRIEND WAS AT THREE IN THE MORNING

AT RITE AIDE. AS I'M RINGING UPGAS-EX AND CORN REMOVERS.

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

AND I'M LIKE,HEYYY YOUUU. WHAT'S UP?

THESE ARE FOR MY GRANDMOTHER,THAT OLD BITCH.

HE'S LIKE, AREN'T THEY BOTH DEAD? I'M LIKE, ONE OF THEM

CAME BACK, OKAY,AND SHE'S SICK.

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