Lavell Crawford - Going to Church

Lavell Crawford: Can a Brother Get Some Love? Season 1, Ep 0101 08/12/2011 Views: 22,203

Lavell Crawford thinks church lasts too long, especially when the preacher talks through lunch. (1:42)

YEAH, THAT'S WHAT I'M GON' DO.

ANYMORE GODDAMN QUESTIONS?"

"ALL CLEAR OVER HERE, HELL.

I DIDN'T KNOW YOU HAD SOME

SUPER [bleep] POWERS.

I DIDN'T KNOW."

THERE'S SOME GROWN FOLKS

OVER HERE LOOKING AT ME LIKE,

"THAT'S A SHAME

HE UP THERE SAYING 'BITCH'

AND STUFF LIKE THAT."

I'M SORRY.

I KNOW I NEED JESUS.

I GO TO CHURCH,

BUT CHURCH BE LASTING TOO LONG.

THEM PREACHERS BE PREACHING

THROUGH LUNCH.

I BE IN CHURCH,

PREACHER BE TALKING

ALL DAY LONG.

BE UP THERE PREACHING

ABOUT STUFF.

THAT AIN'T NOTHING THAT

HE BE TALKING ABOUT, THOUGH.

IT DON'T MAKE NO DAMN SENSE.

[snorting]

"HA-HA! HA! YEAH! HA-HA!

HA! AHH!

THERE WAS LUKE AND,

UH, ABRAHAM, A-HA!

AND, UH, ISAIAH TOO. HA!

EZEKIEL...

AND ALL HIS BROTHERS TOO.

HA!

SOLOMON CAME DOWN TO THE RIVER.

AND THEN HERE COME...

HA, HABAKKUK.

YOU DON'T KNOW ABOUT HABAKKUK.

HABAKKUK, HE JUMPED DOWN

TO THE RIVER TOO, AH!

BUT HE SAID THE RIVER

WAS COLD, AH!

HE SAID IT WAS DEEP, AH!"

I'M LIKE, "WHAT IS HE

[bleep] TALKING ABOUT?

WHAT'S IN THIS

STUPID-ASS RIVER?"

AND THEN THE OLD DUMBASS

DEACON BE UP THERE,

"GO ON, PREACHER!

GO ON!"

I'M LIKE, "WILL YOU SHUT

YOUR ASS UP?

SHIT, GOLDEN CORRAL CLOSE

IN 45 MINUTES."

I THINK THAT'S WHERE THEY