Jimmy Carr - The Passion of the Christ

  • Season 9 , Ep 3
  • 01/13/2005
  • Views: 6,779

If we're all God's children, what's so special about Jesus? (2:27)

WHEN PEOPLE SAY THEY HEAR VOICES

IN THEIR HEADS, AS OPPOSED TO

WHERE EXACTLY?

[LAUGHTER]

HEARING VOICES IN YOUR LEGS?

NOW THAT WOULD BE CRAZY.

[LAUGHTER CONTINUES]

I LIVE QUITE NEED A REMEDIAL

SCHOOL.

THERE'S A SIGN OUTSIDE IT SAYS,

"SLOW CHILDREN."

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

I THOUGHT, "WELL, THAT CAN'T DO

MUCH FOR THEIR SELF-ESTEEM."

BUT LOOK ON THE POSITIVE SIDE.

OF COURSE THEY CAN'T READ IT.

[LAUGHTER]

[APPLAUSE]

NOW MEL GIBSON HAS UPSET

AN AWFUL LOT OF CHRISTIANS.

I DON'T KNOW IF WE HAVE ANY IN

THIS EVENING.

BUT HE'S UPSET AN AWFUL LOT OF

CHRISTIANS BY MAKING THIS FILM,

THE PASSION OF THE CHRIST.

AND THE REASONS HE'S UPSET THEM

IS BECAUSE MEL GIBSON'S MADE

A FILM ABOUT THE LIFE OF CHRIST.

AND HE'S TACKED ON A SILLY

HOLLYWOOD ENDING WHERE

THE HERO COMES BACK AT THE END.

[LAUGHTER]

IF WE'RE ALL GOD'S CHILDREN,

WHAT'S SO SPECIAL ABOUT JESUS?

[LAUGHTER]

IF YOU EAT A LOT OF SPICY FOOD

YOU CAN DAMAGE YOUR SENSE OF

TASTE.

WHEN I WAS IN MEXICO LAST YEAR,

I WAS LISTENING TO A LOT OF

MICHAEL BOLTON.

[LAUGHTER]

[APPLAUSE]

STING, THE POPULAR SINGER.

STING'S OFTEN BRAGGING ABOUT

HIS 8-HOUR NIGHT SEX SESSIONS

WITH HIS WIFE TRUDY.

IMAGINE HOW LONG HE COULD KEEP

IT UP IF SHE WAS A LOOKER.

[AUDIENCE GROANS]

[SCATTERED APPLAUSE]

DOES ANYONE IN HERE LISTEN TO

HIP-HOP MUSIC?

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

RIGHT, I'VE GOT A QUESTION FOR

YOU.

WHEN THEY SAY IN HIP-HOP SONGS

AS THEY INVARIABLY DO,

"PUT YOUR HANDS IN THE AIR,

LIKE YOU JUST DON'T CARE."

SURELY A BETTER EXAMPLE OF

APATHY WOULD BE NOT TO BOTHER.

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

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