Chairs - Large Pad

  • Season 1 , Ep 4
  • 03/04/2009
  • Views: 45,354

Demetri Martin illustrates the paradoxes of sitting and the wonders of air travel. (2:22)

AND DO A QUICK ANALYSISOF SITTING.

"SITTING ANALYSIS."

LET'S GET INTO IT.

SITTING PRESENTSCERTAIN PARADOXES.

YOU KNOW, WE SIT TO RELAX,BUT WE ALSO SIT TO WORK,

LIKE, ALL DAY AT WORK.

WE SIT TO EAT, TO GET FOOD,

BUT WE ALSO SITTO GET RID OF FOOD.

IF WE WANT TO SAY PUT,WHAT WE DO IS, WE SIT,

BUT IF WE WANT TO GO SOMEWHERE,WE SIT,

LIKE, IN A CAR OR ON A TRAIN.

IN FACT, THE FASTESTI'VE EVER GONE WAS SITTING

ON AN AIRPLANE.

I CAN GO 500 MILES PER HOURJUST SITTING SOMEWHERE.

IF YOU GET UP AND RUN TOWARDSTHE FRONT OF THE PLANE,

YOU CAN GO 505 MILES PER HOUR.

UNTIL THEY TACKLE YOU.

[chuckles]

THEN YOU GO BACK DOWNTO 500 MILES PER HOUR.

AND THEN, LATER,YOU GET TO SIT SOMEWHERE

FOR A VERY, VERY LONG TIME.

SOMETIMES WE SIT

WHEN IT'S NOT THE MOSTAPPROPRIATE POSITION TO BE IN.

YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?

LIKE, ON AN AIRPLANE,

IT WOULD BE BETTERTO BE LIKE THAT.

THAT'S A MORE APPROPRIATEFLYING POSITION.

LIKE, "YEAH, I'M FLYING.

THIS IS WHAT IT SHOULD BE LIKE."

HAVE, LIKE, A GLASS FLOORTO THE PLANE.

IT'D BE AMAZING.

THE STEWARDESS COMES UP."CAN I GET YOU ANYTHING?"

"NO, I'M COOL. I'M FLYINGOVER ARIZONA RIGHT NOW.

I GOT IT."

I WANTED TO GET AN L-COUCH,

BUT MY APARTMENT'SNOT BIG ENOUGH,

SO I HAD TO GETA LOWERCASE L-COUCH INSTEAD.

AND THIS ONE ISAPPARENTLY GOING THROUGH

SOME SORT OF TIME WARPOR SOMETHING.

[chuckles]

MY FRIEND PAID $1,700 FORA COUCH THAT TURNS INTO A BED.

I WAS LIKE,"DUDE, YOU WASTED YOUR MONEY.

EVERY COUCH TURNS INTO A BED.

YOU JUST GOT TO LIE ON ITLONGWAYS.

IF YOU DRINK ENOUGH BEER,EVERYTHING TURNS INTO A BED.

A LITTLE MOREMAKES EVERYTHING A TOILET.

CHAIRS CAN REALLY TEACH YOUABOUT YOUR STATUS IN LIFE,

LIKE THE BEANBAG CHAIR.

IF YOU'RE IN A BEANBAG CHAIRAND YOU'RE OVER 40,

YOU FAILED.

>> ♪ YEAH, YEAH

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