I'm so happy to be outtraveling. I love
coming to New York, and I lovejust not being home,
because I, uh, this is sopersonal but I'm gonna tell you
'cause you're here, uh...what else do we have to do?
I can't sleep at my housebecause some pigeons
moved onto the balconyat my house...
it's a ledge but Icall it a balcony.
Put a chair there.
It's also not ahouse. Irrelevant.
And they have pigeon sex,like, all the time.
Yeah, you think it's funny.
It would be fine if it soundedlike pigeons but it doesn't.
See, to me, pigeons havingsex-- when I fantasize about
pigeons having sex-- youwould think it would sound
something like this.
Here we go, pigeons havingsex.
[LOW-PITCHED TRILLING, CLEARSTHROAT]
That sounds like Predator.
That doesn't sound... pigeon atall.
They're both have red eyes.
All right, here we go, pigeonhaving sex.
Right? Oh, what, New York,you're so outdoorsy
all of a sudden?
"No, that's a North AmericanWhitetail Dove.
"Everybody knowsthat. Come on!"
Good ear though, similarmigration pattern.
It doesn't sound like that.
That's what's so frustratingand disturbing.
It's very disconcerting.
Three in the morning, you'redead asleep.
You wake up to this,you're just like...
It's probably not my pigeons.
Uh, so I can't sleepso I stay up a lot.
I watch a lot of TV and, youknow, I love commercials.
I think they're the bestsketch comedy out there,
so I watch a lot ofcommercials.
And sometimes they havecommercials, they want
you to donate money: save thedogs,
save the cats, save the otherthings.
And sometimes they'll havesave the polar bears, which,
I don't want to sound likea dick but it's just
kind of not a priority forme.
There's so many other thingswe have to worry about:
economy, environment, uh,each other,
manicure, pedicure, polarbears...
I'm not even 1000% sure thatthey exist.
How do you know?
Why, 'cause Coca Cola puts 'emon their can during Christmas?
They also put Santa Claus.What's your [bleep] point?
I think I'm bothered by itthe most because the actual