It's officially official,people-- Donald Trump
just accepted the Republicannomination for president.
And so I urge you to liveevery day like it's your last.
-(laughter)-Just moments ago,
Trump finished deliveringa speech
that was half angry,rallying cry
for bringing whathe called law and order
to a country in crisis,and half, well...
well, there wasthe other half, too.
And, uh, you knowwhat I learned today?
In American politics,you can say whatever you want,
whether it's true or not.You can mislead
about the rise of crime,you can make it seem like
America's drowning in taxes, but some lies...
are bigger than others.
and gratefully accept
-(cheering)-for the presidency
of the United States.
-(laughter)-Nothing says humble
like turning the stage gold
and having your namein 9,000-point font.
Even the Goodyear Blimp is,like, "Jesus, we get it, Trump,
we get it."
Basically,Trump's speech tonight
was just a thin shell of candy
covering a chocolate centerof hate,
and right in the middle,a bitter nut of fear.
But you know what,they're not that bad
once you have a few of them.I mean, uh,
they're an acquired taste.
We will also be a country
of law and order.
The most basic dutyof government
is to defend the livesof its own citizens.
Any governmentthat fails to do so
is a governmentunworthy to lead.
I'm sorry, guys.You know what,
so much of what Trump saidtonight was misleading.
I mean, we'll wade through ittomorrow in a fact-check,
but, just to make youfeel better,
yes, there is a recent spikein homicides in major cities,
but overall, America's in themiddle of a historic crime drop.
America is nowhere near themost taxed nation in the world,
and illegal... illegalimmigration has dropped
to the lowest total since 2003.
So if you'vebeen watching the show
while hiding under your bed...
I want you to knowthat you can come out.
Come out. Come out.
Oh, oh, come out,unless you're Hillary Clinton.
This is the legacyof Hillary Clinton:
terrorism and weakness.
Only Donald Trump would thinkthat weakness is worse
than death and destruction.
Because you endon the worst thing, Donald.
That's like you're a doctorgoing, "You have cancer,
"AIDS, and-and a little spinachin your teeth.
There, right there, yeah.Yeah, you got to watch that."
But to be fair,to be fair to The Donald,
he did reach out to groups
normally malignedby Republicans.
I will do everything in my power
to protect our LGBTQ citizens
from the violence and depression
of a hateful foreign ideology.
And I have to say,as a Republican,
it is so niceto hear you cheering
for what I just said.
-(cheering, applause, whistling)-Thank you. Thank you.
(like Trump):Because, to be honest, folks,
I thought you were gonna boothe gays, I'm not gonna lie.
Just from what I've overheardfrom Mike Pence,
I thought youwere gonna boo the gays.
And so then,after a little more fear,
and a little more hate,it was finally time to close.
My opponent asks her supporters
to recite a three-wordloyalty pledge.
It reads: "I'm with her."
I choose to recite
a different pledge.
My pledge reads: "I'm with you,the American people."
We will make Americagreat again!
God bless you, and good night!
I love you!
I love you, too, Donald.
I've got to admit,the speech was... okay.
I mean, it was scaryand disciplined, you know?
Like a Catholic nun.
And like a nun,you know if you go deeper,
you're gonna find a wild side.
But I was expecting the Trumpwe've seen on the trail,
you know, wild,spitting from the dome.
I mean, but when a protestordisrupted his speech,
he didn't even call for themto be beaten or killed.
You know?This is what you get
when you stickto a teleprompter.
It makes things boring.
And I learned that froma very smart man last August.
I actually said ifyou're running for president,
you should not be allowedto use a teleprompter.
-(cheering)-No, it's true. It's true.
It's so easy.
You walk up...
yeah, you walk...
Ladies and gentlemen, hello.
It's so sad, people.
Donald Trumphas basically become
everything that he hated--well, I mean, not everything,
'cause he's still white.