Chris Porter - Being Single

  • Season 1 , Ep 0106
  • 08/24/2006
  • Views: 21,162

Chris Porter wants to promote the penis. (1:29)

( laughter )

( shocked ):What? What?

Nobody wantsto bang Willy Wonka?

What's up with that?

Girls think I'm cute.

They're just afraidof Oompa Loompas.

It sucks being a single guy,

having a penis,nowhere to put it.

Girls, you don't know.

You have a vagina.

Walk the Earth long enough,

someone's going to have sexwith you, okay?

It's just a matter of time

and you lowering your standardsa little bit.

If you got a penis,there's no guarantees anymore.

You got to have something elseto accentuate your penis,

like a car...

or a job or...

forty dollars.

Something.

Penis needs an ad campaign.

Like "Penis:it's what's for dinner."

Or "Have it your way."

"Is it in you?" Something.

Because we're going upagainst a superior product.

Fellows, you got to look at itfrom a marketing standpoint.

Vagina beats everything.

It does. That's why we play"Rock, Paper, Scissors"

and not "Penis, Ass, Vagina."

Everybody would be throwing"vagina" all the time.

Vagina beats everything.

One, two, three-- vagina.Damn it.

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