Lewis Black - Ball Games

Brian Haley & Lewis Black Season 1, Ep 0150 02/24/1992 Views: 12,723

Lewis goes to sporting events to scream. (2:03)

I'D RATHER BE AT A BALL GAME.

THAT'S WHERE I SPENDA LOT OF TIME NOW.

I DON'T CARE WHO'S PLAYINGOR WHO WINS

BECAUSE I GO TO SPORTING EVENTS TO SCREAM.

IT'S THE ONE PLACE ON THE PLANETYOU CAN SHOUT ANYTHING YOU WANT.

YOU CAN BELLOW AT WILL.

YOU CAN SIT THERE GOING...AND NOBODY'LL BOTHER YOU.

I YELL THINGS LIKE,"MY LIFE SUCKS!"

( laughter )

"DAN QUAYLE IS A SCHMUCK!"

"IF I DON'T HAVE SEX SOON,I'M GOING TO EXPLODE!"

( laughter )

PARENTS TURN TO THEIR KIDSAS I LEAVE THE STADIUM

AND GO, "HEY, THEREGOES A GREAT FAN."

LOVELY TO BE IN L.A.

YOU PEOPLE AREOUT OF YOUR MINDS.

( laughter )

WHAT IS IT?

EVERYBODY HERE DRIVES,EVERYBODY DRIVES.

YOUR HEAD CAN BE SPINNING,YOU CAN BE PROJECTILE VOMITING

THEY'LL GIVE YOU A LICENSE.

DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA THATYOUR FREEWAYS HAVE STOPLIGHTS?

ISN'T THAT A TIP-OFFTHAT YOU HAVE TOO MANY CARS?

( laughter )

I MEAN, EVERYBODY DRIVES,DRIVES, DRIVES, DRIVES.

AND IF YOU'RE NOT DRIVING,YOU'RE DOING AEROBICS.

IT'S JUMP, JUMP, JUMP, JUMP...

DRIVE, DRIVE, DRIVE,JUMP, JUMP, JUMP

DRIVE, DRIVE, JUMP, JUMP.

AND YOU LIVE ON A FAULT LINE.

THERE CAN BE AN EARTHQUAKE HEREAT ANY MINUTE, ANY MINUTE.

AND WHEN YOU LIVE IN A PLACE

WHERE AN EARTHQUAKE CANTAKE PLACE ANY MINUTE

YOU DON'T DRIVE, DRIVE, DRIVEAND YOU DON'T JUMP, JUMP, JUMP.

YOU LAY DOWN...

( laughter )

AND YOU BARELY MOVE EVER.

AND OCCASIONALLY YOU MIGHT SUCKON A CHEERIO FOR NOURISHMENT.