Facebook does not help that.
I went on FacebookSaturday morning
and I woke upto the most triumphant
Facebook status updatesof all time.
It was, like, "me and Jennyare getting married.
I'm the luckiest guyin the world."
"Just got my master'sin art history;
I'm finally gonna workat the museum."
And then I've got to tryto keep up, you know?
And I'm, like...
(sighs) foundan interesting rock
on the way to the liquor store.
Got through a whole nightwithout crying,
and then I've got to like ittwo hours later
'cause nobody else will.
I'm a manic-depressive.A lot of people ask me
oh, does that meanyou get sad sometimes?
I'm, like,I don't get mood swings.
I get full-blown emotionalmonster truck events.
Where it's, like:
This weekendat Dan's Depression--
his thoughtsof the one who got away
go up againsthis dreams of becoming
a major league baseball player.
Who wins? Who cares,'cause Dan can't (bleep),
he's on Lexapropro, pro, pro, pro, pro, pro...
(laughter, scattered applause)
© 2016 Comedy Partners. All Rights Reserved. Comedy Central and all related titles, logos and characters are trademarks of comedy partners.