Jessi Klein - Diamond Rings & Flat-Screen TVs

  • Season 4 , Ep 3
  • 08/09/2013
  • Views: 10,147

Engagements would be a lot more frequent if they worked the way Jessi Klein suggests. (2:23)

So, I actually dohave a boyfriend

and we recently gotengaged.

[AUDIENCE CHEERING]Yeah.

No, don't-- Youdon't have to stand.

Uh, no, uh-- And I know someof you are confused, like,

because you're, like:but you're a lesbian.

And, uh, totally understand.

Uh, I'm actuallynot a lesbian.

I just feel all thefeelings lesbians feel.

Um...

So...so I have mixed feelings,because I've never had the

wedding fantasy andI've never--

I've just never been the girlthat's

like, "Oh, my God, I'mgoing to be a princess!"

You know, likethat kind of thing.

[GROANS]

Um--

[GROANING]

Last little bit of it.

Um...

The very first time I triedon my first diamond ring,

literally-- Like, within twoseconds, like all my fancy

ideas about what I believein, like, went right down the

toilet, and I justbecame someone who was like,

"I like sparkle stuff!"

Give it!

And my boyfriend was like "hereyou go weirdo"

We're engaged now, and um...

like, if there is a diamond ring

that I, like,had to have, it would be

expensive, but I, like-- Icould buy it for myself.

Like, I could do that.

But society saysI'm not allowed to

because that would bea creepy,

lonely thing to do.

And I just feel like men wouldnever allow this society to

work that way for them.

Like, okay, so, like, think ofsomething, like, a guy likes.

Like, let's say, like,a giant flat screen TV.

Like, try to imagine a worldwhere a guy cannot buy a giant

flat screen TV for himself.

It's not allowed.

To get a giant flat screen TV,he has to wait for some woman

to meet him andfall in love with

him for the rest ofhis [BLEEP] life.

You can't-- Can youimagine, like, a guy...

Try to imagine, like, a guy,like, showing up to work on,

like, a Monday morning and he,like, passes his co-worker's

cubicle, like, super coy.

And he's like, "Hey,how was your weekend?"

And his co-worker's like,"Pretty boring,

how was yours?"

And then he holds upthe TV and it's like...

[SCREAMS]

And they're like, "Oh, my God!

It's so big!"

"I know!"

That would never, ever happen.

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