Marc Maron - Christian Right

  • Season 11 , Ep 1
  • 01/11/2007
  • Views: 4,811

Creationism in science classes is retarding our nation's children. (3:26)

I THINK GEORGE BUSH IS ABSOLUTELY THE RIGHT PRESIDENT

TO OVERSEE THE END OF THE WORLD.

[LAUGHTER, CHEERS, WHISTLES AND APPLAUSE]

I THINK HE'LL DO IT QUICKLY, EFFICIENTLY AND WITH A CLARITY

AND RESOLVE THAT MAKES ME UNCOMFORTABLE

'CAUSE HE DOES HAVE THAT WEIRD MIXTURE OF BORN-AGAIN CHRISTIAN

AND STUPID THAT SOME PEOPLE MISTAKE FOR COURAGE AND FOCUS.

[LAUGHTER, CHEERS, WHISTLES AND APPLAUSE]

AND COME ON, LET'S BE HONEST,

ISN'T THAT THE GUY WE NEED FOR THE TOUGH TIMES WE LIVE IN,

SOMEONE WHO WILL REMAINSTEADFAST IN THE FACE OF

FACTS, REALITY AND TRUTH?

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

THE REASON THE CHRISTIAN RIGHT IS SO PRO-BUSH IS NOT 'CAUSE

HE'S A MORAL GUY, IT'S ACTUALLY 'CAUSE HE MIGHT END THE WORLD

AND THEY'RE READY TO GO.IT'S IN THE BOOK.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

I MEAN THEY'RE CHECKING OFFTHE SEVEN SEALS. THEY'RE LOOKING

AT THIS GUY. THEY'RE LIKE,"WELL, HE'S FACILITATED FOUR--

"AT LEAST TWO OUT OF THREE OF THE FOUR HORSEMEN.

"OR HE'S STARTED ARMAGEDDON, FACILITATED THE FLOODS.

THIS GUY'S OUR GUY! HE'S GONNA TAKE US HOME."

AND AGAIN I DON'T WANNAKNOCK ALL CHRISTIANS,

JUST THE WHACK JOBS THAT ARE RUINING THE WORLD FOR THE REST OF US. AND--

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

LOOK IF YOU WANNA BELIEVE THAT THIS LIFE IS JUST A TEST

AND THAT IF YOU PASS IT YOU GET WINGS AND YOU CAN FLY FOR ETERNITY, GOD BLESS YOU.

YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN, GOOD FOR YOU.

BUT I DON'T THINK THATYOU SHOULD BE ABLE TO DETERMINE

WHETHER OR NOT THEY TEACH CREATIONISM IN SCIENCE CLASS.

I MEAN THAT'S LIKERETARDING THE CHILDREN.

- IT'S RETARDING THE CHILDREN. - [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

AND I'M NOT EVEN TRYING TO BE PREACHY, MAN

BUT LOOK I DON'T KNOW IF IT'S REACHING OUT

OR IF IT CAN REALLY BE CALLED CONVERSION OR TRYING TO SAVE SOULS.

BUT IF YOU SAY TO ANINE-YEAR-OLD KID, "HEY!

"DO YOU WANNA DO YOUR SCIENCE HOMEWORK

OR DO YOU JUST WANNA SAY, 'GOD DID IT' AND GO OUTSIDE?"

[LAUGHTER]

I'D GO OUTSIDE.

AND I CAN'T DEAL WITH THE ARGUMENT THEY MAKE

AGAINST EVOLUTION. IT SHOULD BE A CRIME.

IT'S ALWAYS THE SAME THING. "EVOLUTION'S JUST A THEORY." AND I'M THINKING TO MYSELF,

"WELL, THANK GOODNESS GRAVITY'S A LAW."

- YOU KNOW? BECAUSE... - [LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

IN ORDER TO...

IN ORDER TO DISPROVE THAT YOU'D HAVE TO BE ABLE TO FLY, RIGHT?

AND THAT DOESN'T HAPPEN 'TIL AFTER YOU DIE IF YOU'RE GOOD,

RIGHT? I GET IT, RIGHT?AND THEN THEY SAY,

"WELL--" THIS IS THE NEXT PHASE OF THE ARGUMENT.

"WELL, IT'S SO COMPLICATED." EVERYTHING IS SO COMPLICATED.

I MEAN THAT MUST MEAN THERE'S AN INTELLIGENT DESIGNER

THAT DESIGNED IT ALL. ISN'T THAT KINDA LIKE SAYING,

"I DON'T UNDERSTAND IT.IT MUST BE MAGIC."

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

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