Chris D'Elia - Gay Friend in the Crew Pt. 1

Chris D'Elia: White Male. Black Comic. Season 1, Ep 101 11/20/2013 Views: 20,051

When his friends come out of the closet, Chris D'Elia would like them to be direct about it. (2:10)

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D'Elia: YO, MY BUDDY TOLD MEHE'S DATING A DUDE RECENTLY.

I DIDN'T KNOW HE WAS GAY AT ALL.IT WAS WEIRD, MAN.

BUT I KNEW THIS GUYFOR LIKE SEVEN YEARS,

BUT HE TOLD ME IN A WEIRD WAY.

HE WAS LIKE, "HEY, MAN,I'M DATING THIS DUDE,

"AND WHAT HAPPENED WAS, WE WEREHANGING OUT THE OTHER DAY.

IT WAS HILARIOUS."

I'M LIKE,"WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, WHOA,

WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, WHOA."[ LAUGHTER ]

"BACK UP. YOU'RE GAY?"AND THIS IS WHAT HE SAYS.

HE SAYS, "EH, THAT'SNOT THE POINT OF THE STORY."

[ LAUGHTER ]

I'M LIKE, "YO, THAT'S DEFINITELYTHE POINT OF THE STORY FOR ME.

YOU'RE GAY?"AND HE SAYS, "NAH."

[ LAUGHTER ]

I'M LIKE, "YO, HOW DO YOU FIGUREYOU'RE NOT GAY

"IF YOU'RE DATING A DUDE?

"THAT'S THE GAYEST THINGI CAN COME UP WITH

"IN THE NEXT FIVE MINUTESFOR SURE.

EXPLAIN YOURSELF."

THIS IS WHAT HE HIT ME WITH.

HE SAID, "YEAH, I DON'T REALLYLOOK AT IT LIKE THAT, YOU KNOW?

"I DIDN'T FALL IN LOVEWITH A DUDE.

I FELL IN LOVE WITH A PERSON."

I'M LIKE, "YO, THAT'S GAYERTHAN WHAT YOU JUST SAID!"

[ LAUGHTER ]

[ APPLAUSE ]

"ARE YOU DOING POETRY?THAT'S REALLY GAY.

"JUST, 'I DIDN'T FALL IN LOVEWITH A MAN.

I FELL IN LOVE WITH HIS SOUL.'[ LAUGHS MERRILY ]"

[ LAUGHTER ]

MY OTHER FRIENDWON'T EVEN TALK TO HIM ANYMORE.

HE'S ALL MAD.HE'S LIKE, "MAN, HE LIED TO US.

"THAT'S THE CREW.YOU NEVER DO THAT TO THE CREW.

"YOU NEVER LIE OR KEEP SECRETSFROM THE CREW.

HE'S UNTRUSTWORTHY.MAN, DEATH BEFORE DISHONOR."

HE SAID THAT PART,WHICH [LAUGHS] YO, YOU CAN'T --

HE WORKS AT A CRATE & BARREL.YOU CAN'T SAY...

[ LAUGHTER ]

YOU CANNOT SAY,"DEATH BEFORE DISHONOR" [LAUGHS]

IF YOU WORK AT CRATE & BARREL.

THAT'S RESERVEDONLY FOR GENERALS AND TUPAC.

THAT'S IT, YOU KNOW?

[ LAUGHTER ]

BUT HE WAS HATING ON HIM, MAN.

HE WAS LIKE, "WHAT, HE'S GAY?

I'LL NEVER" --HERE'S THE DEAL.

I DON'T KNOW WHY --

I DON'T KNOW WHY EVERYBODYDOESN'T KNOW THIS, OKAY?

IF YOU HATE GAY PEOPLEFOR NO REASON,

STRAIGHT-UP,YOU'RE GAY, ALL RIGHT?

[ LAUGHTER ]

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

NOBODY HATES SOMEBODY ELSE

FOR DOING SOMETHING THAT DOESN'TAFFECT OR INVOLVE THEM AT ALL

UNLESS IT STIRS UP SOMEWEIRD FEELINGS INSIDE OF THEM

THAT THEY HAVEN'T FIGURED OUTTHEMSELVES YET.

THAT'S THE TRUTH, OKAY?