Carol Leifer - Having a Baby

  • Season 7 , Ep 7
  • 03/20/2003
  • Views: 1,809

It's scary to imagine the pain of giving birth. (2:14)

BEEN THINKING ABOUT HAVING

A BABY.

YEAH.

(APPLAUSE)

YEAH.

BUT IF I WANNA DO IT I'D HAVE TO

DO IT SOON 'CAUSE IT'S GETTING

NEAR CLOSING TIME.

(LAUGHTER)

OH, YEAH.

YEAH, THE CLOCK IS TICKING.

MY GYNECOLOGIST SAID IF I WANTED

TO HAVE A BABY, I WOULD HAVE

TO DO IT THE LATEST BY THE END

OF THIS SHOW.

(LAUGHTER)

SEE, BUT HERE'S THE THING,

I HAVE TO ADMIT, I AM AFRAID

OF THE PAIN OF CHILDBIRTH.

AND OTHER WOMEN WHO'VE BEEN

THROUGH LABOR, THEY'RE LIKE

A BIZARRE CULT.

'CAUSE THEY CAN NEVER REALLY

TELL YA, WHAT THE PAIN IS LIKE.

YOU KNOW LIKE I'LL ASK THEM

"OKAY, SO IS IT LIKE REALLY,

REALLY, REALLY, REALLY BAD

CRAMPS?"

THEY JUST GIVE YOU THAT,

"OH, NO, GRASSHOPPER.

(LAUGHTER)

NO.

NO, YOU FIND OUT FOR YOURSELF.

(APPLAUSE)

YOU KNOW WHAT BUGS ME THOUGH?

WHEN A WOMAN IS EXPECTING AND

THE BONEHEAD HUSBAND RUNS AROUND

GOING, WE'RE PREGNANT!

HEY, AIN'T IT GREAT?

WE ARE PREGNANT.

"WE'RE PREGNANT."

YEAH, AND MY BALLS ITCH, PAL.

(LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE)

BUT I DO PROMISE YOU THIS FOLKS,

ONE DAY IF I DO HAVE A BABY,

I WILL NOT PUT MY BABY ON THE

PHONE.

IS THIS THE MOST ANNOYING THING?

OH, MY FRIENDS WANT TO TALK

TO THE BABY.

SEE, APPARENTLY THE BABY

IS A REAL MOTOR MOUTH WHEN

THEY'RE NOT TALKING TO ME.

'CAUSE I GET ON THE PHONE,

WITHOUT FAIL, THIS IS ALL

YOU YEAR.

(BREATHING NOISES)

YOU KNOW?

IT'S LIKE AN OBSCENE BABY

PHONE CALL.

(BREATHING CONTINUES)

I'M NOT WEARIN' ANY PAMPERS.

(LAUGHTER)

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