Mark Normand - Terrifying Dirty Talk

Mark Normand Season 3, Ep 11 07/18/2014 Views: 6,668

At their core, Mark Normand believes that men are just flaccid penises. (1:25)

...bang. Um...

she was a fun gal.Real tomcat in the sack.

Real firecracker, but she wouldalways say things in bed

that would justkind of backfire.

Like, I remember one timeshe looked me right in the eye.

She goes, "Around me, I neverwant to see your penis soft."

And I know she was tryingto sound hot,

but it just came offas terrifying.

I felt like I wasin a boxing movie.

I was like, "Come on, buddy!Don't go down! Hang in there!

You can do it!A couple more rounds! Come on!"

I got to be honest, ladies.

Once she said that,I had to end it with her.

I had to stop seeing her 'cause,ladies, you got to realize.

The soft penis...

that's who guys really are,all right?

That's the real guy deep down.

Everybody loves a boner,

but that's not the real you,all right?

That's the cool guy.That's you when you turn it on.

That's you at a job interviewor a cocktail party.

I'm the guy who likesto sit home

on the coucheating potato chips.

That's a flaccid penis.

You see what I'm saying?The boner's amazing!

I have way more in commonwith my soft,

wrinkly, disgustingflaccid penis

than I ever willwith my erection.

My boner's strong, confident,got great posture.

I'm nervous,insecure and squishy.

Ladies, you can'ttell a guy that.

Come on!

You can't tell a guy, "Hey,I never want to see you soft!"

That's like me telling a girl,

"Hey, I never want to see youwithout makeup."

My boner is my mascara.It's all I have.

(chuckles)

Oh, boy.

Wish that wasn't true.