she was a fun gal.Real tomcat in the sack.
Real firecracker, but she wouldalways say things in bed
that would justkind of backfire.
Like, I remember one timeshe looked me right in the eye.
She goes, "Around me, I neverwant to see your penis soft."
And I know she was tryingto sound hot,
but it just came offas terrifying.
I felt like I wasin a boxing movie.
I was like, "Come on, buddy!Don't go down! Hang in there!
You can do it!A couple more rounds! Come on!"
I got to be honest, ladies.
Once she said that,I had to end it with her.
I had to stop seeing her 'cause,ladies, you got to realize.
The soft penis...
that's who guys really are,all right?
That's the real guy deep down.
Everybody loves a boner,
but that's not the real you,all right?
That's the cool guy.That's you when you turn it on.
That's you at a job interviewor a cocktail party.
I'm the guy who likesto sit home
on the coucheating potato chips.
That's a flaccid penis.
You see what I'm saying?The boner's amazing!
I have way more in commonwith my soft,
wrinkly, disgustingflaccid penis
than I ever willwith my erection.
My boner's strong, confident,got great posture.
I'm nervous,insecure and squishy.
Ladies, you can'ttell a guy that.
You can't tell a guy, "Hey,I never want to see you soft!"
That's like me telling a girl,
"Hey, I never want to see youwithout makeup."
My boner is my mascara.It's all I have.
Wish that wasn't true.