D.C. Benny - Unagi

  • Season 8 , Ep 3
  • 02/05/2004
  • Views: 35,531

Eel has the power to give men a new sense of sexual potency. (4:02)

BUT MY WIFE'S BEEN COMPLAINING

ABOUT THE SEX, YOU KNOW?

SHE'S HERE AND THAT'S WHAT IS

EVEN FUNNIER, YOU KNOW, 'CAUSE

SHE'S BEEN COMPLAINING ABOUT IT.

AND SO I I WANTED TO READ UP ON

IT A LITTLE BIT, YOU KNOW,

TO MAKE IT BETTER.

SO I GOT A NATIONAL GEOGRAPHIC.

AND I WAS CHECKING IT OUT.

AND THERE WAS THIS ARTICLE ABOUT

SUSHI IN JAPAN.

AND THERE'S THIS STUFF CALLED

UNAGI WHICH IS THE EEL.

AND IT'S SUPPOSED TO MAKE YOUR

[BLEEP] HARD FOR LIKE THREE

DAYS.

SO I WAS INTRIGUED.

AND IN THE SUPERMARKET BY WHERE

I LIVE THEY HAVE A LITTLE SUSHI

CORNER WITH A CHEF AND

EVERYTHING.

SO I'M LIKE, "I'M GONNA CHECK

THIS STUFF OUT."

SO I WALK IN.

ONE DAY THE CHEF IS STANDING

THERE LIKE...

[GRUNTING]

AND I'M LIKE-- "IF YOU WANNA

TAKE A CRAP OR SOMETHING I'LL

COME BACK.

[LAUGHTER]

AND I WAS LIKE, "TELL ME ABOUT

UNAGI."

HE'S LIKE, "UNAGI. [CHUCKLING]

UNAGI.

UNAGI GOOD.

MAKE YOUR [BLEEP] HARD LIKE A

SAMURAI SWORD.

[LAUGHTER]

YOU ALL NIGHT.

WOMAN NO MORE TALK [BLEEP].

UNAGI.

UNAGI GOOD."

[GRUNTS]

SO I ASK HIM, I'M LIKE--

"WELL, HOW MUCH UNAGI DO I EAT?"

HE'S LIKE, "ONE UNAGI IS A

GOOD POWER.

TWO UNAGI A LOT OF POWER."

SO I WAS LIKE, "GIVE ME 20

UNAGIS IN THE BAG RIGHT NOW."

[LAUGHTER]

I WENT HOME.

I ATE THEM ALL.

I HAD A BEER AND I PASSED OUT.

[LAUGHTER]

I WOKE UP.

YOU KNOW HOW YOU HAVE ALCOHOL

AND YOU FELL ASLEEP?

THE FIRST THING YOU GOTTA DO

IS YOU GOTTA PEE.

SO I WENT TO THE BATHROOM TO

PEE.

MY [BLEEP] WAS LIKE, BAM!

IT'S LOOKING AT ME LIKE,

"UNAGI POWER.

UNAGI.

I AM THE MASTER.

I WILL TAKE OVER THIS

APARTMENT."

YOU KNOW, I'M TRYING TO BEND

IT DOWN.

IT'S POPPING UP.

I'M WRESTLING WITH IT IN THE

BATHROOM.

WE'RE DANCING.

I'M LIKE-- OOH.

OOH.

OOH.

[WHISTLES AND APPLAUSE]

I GOT IT IN A HEADLOCK.

YOU KNOW, THE PHONE RINGS.

IT'S MY WIFE.

SHE'S LIKE, "WHAT'S GOING ON?"

I'M LIKE, "YOU TONIGHT.

NO MORE TALK [BLEEP]."

AND I HUNG UP THE PHONE.

[LAUGHTER]

BUT I WAS A LITTLE SCARED OF IT.

I COULDN'T-- YOU KNOW--

IT WAS BIGGER THAN USUAL AND--

YOU KNOW--

SO I'M LIKE, "YEAH, I'LL TAKE

THE EDGE OFF OF IT."

SO I THREW IN A--

I THREW IN MY FAVORITE PORNO,

YOU KNOW, WITH THE SCENE WITH

THE TWO GIRLS AND ONE GUY BUT

YOU DON'T SEE MUCH OF THE GUY.

AND, AH...

YOU KNOW?

ABOUT 45 MINUTES GO BY.

I'M SO INTO IT, NOTHING'S

HAPPENING.

I DON'T HEAR THE DOOR OPEN.

IT'S MY WIFE.

SHE WALKS IN THE BEDROOM.

SHE'S LIKE, "WHAT ARE YOU

DOING?"

I'M LIKE "YOU IN BED NOW.

NO MAKE EYE CONTACT."

[LAUGHTER]

"I AM SAMURAI."

SO WE START HITTING IT,

YOU KNOW?

AND IT'S NICE.

BUT STILL NOTHING'S HAPPENING.

UNAGI POWER.

UNAGI.

AND SHE'S LIKE, "WHAT'S WRONG?"

"QUIET, DON'T TALK."

[GRUNTING]

AND ALL OF A SUDDEN MY STOMACH

STARTED HURTING.

SHE LIKE, "GO IN THE BATHROOM

AND LOOK AT YOURSELF IN THE

MIRROR."

I LOOK IN THE MIRROR.

I GOT THE PURPLE BLOTCHES.

STOMACH'S HURTING.

SHE'S LIKE "YOU PROBABLY GOT

FOOD POISONING."

WE BETTER GET YOU TO THE

EMERGENCY ROOM.

SO NOW I GOTTA FIND PANTS TO

FIT OVER THE POWER, YOU KNOW?

[LAUGHTER]

I GRAB SOME OLD FLASHDANCE

SWEAT PANTS.

LOOKS LIKE I'M SMUGGLING A

HANDGUN, YOU KNOW?

I HAIL A CAB LIKE, "WHEE."

YOU KNOW?

WE GET DOWN TO THE EMERGENCY

ROOM.

THERE ARE PEOPLE THERE WITH

GUNSHOT WOUNDS.

I HAVE A [BLEEP] THAT WON'T

GO AWAY, YOU KNOW?

[LAUGHTER]

THE NURSE IS LIKE, "AND WHAT

HAPPENED TO YOU?"

I'M LIKE-- "POWER.

UNAGI."

SO I GET A SHOT AND IT GOES

DOWN.

AND I'M LIKE, "AH, THANK GOD.

I'LL NEVER EAT SUSHI AGAIN,

YOU KNOW?"

SO TWO WEEKS LATER MY WIFE

TAKES A YOGA CLASS, THROWS OUT

HER NECK.

SHE'S GOTTA WEAR A NECK BRACE.

SHE'S KIND OF LIMPING.

WE'RE WALKING THROUGH THE

NEIGHBORHOOD.

WALK PAST THE GROCERY PLACE

AND EVERYTHING.

SHE'S LIKE, "YOU KNOW WHAT?

I GOTTA GO IN THERE PICK UP

SOME OLIVE OIL."

I'M LIKE, "I DON'T WANNA GO IN

THERE.

THAT GUY'S IN THERE."

SHE'S LIKE, "NAH, NAH, HE'S NOT

IN THERE.

DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT.

YOU KNOW, I HAVEN'T SEEN HIM."

HE IS IN THERE.

HE SEES HER IN THE NECK BRACE.

HE'S LIKE, "AH, POWER.

UNAGI.

NO MORE TALK [BLEEP]."

[GRUNTS]

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