>> HARDWICK: If you're justjoining us, Andrew Basiago is a
54-year-old Cambridge-educatedlawyer who says he was part of a
CIA program that fools kids withthick glasses into thinking
they're not being drugged andhooked up to scrotal electrodes,
and now he's running forpresident.
One of his major campaignpromises is to get us completely
off fossil fuels and stop globalwarming, but how?
>> Uh, he's gonna add a newscene in The Fast and the
Furious where Vin Diesel fucks aTesla.
(laughter)>> This is no time for amazing
(laughter)>> The government has
teleportation technology thatthey've been hiding from us for
President Basiago knows aboutthis because he used to teleport
to Mars himself with PresidentObama.
>> Yeah, don't forget that, uh,Bigfoot's lawyers said that they
teleported in the elevator of anoffice building, because, of
course, you go to Mars in thesame contraption you'd use to
get to the lobby of a Radisson.
>> HARDWICK: Brendon, yourrebuttal.
>> The CIA sent them as collegeundergrads, to prep them for the
stress of eventually beingpresident, because what could be
more stressful than traveling tofucking Mars, you guys?
This. This is more stressful.
>> HARDWICK: Now, it does begthe question:
What top-secret programs couldother presidents have been
>> Uh, the CIA covered up thetime that Bill Clinton fucked an
entire Hooters in FortLauderdale.
>> HARDWICK: Brendon?
>> President Garfield tried tooutlaw Mondays and weaponize
>> HARDWICK: Um...
(laughter)Uh, it should be noted that you
just drew the Babadook.