Deon Cole - Black and White

  • Season 11 , Ep 14
  • 03/08/2007
  • Views: 9,707

Deon hates working in front of white people. (4:47)

IS THERE ANYTHING THAT YOU HATE DOIN' AROUND BLACK PEOPLE?

LIKE YOU CAN'T STANDFOR BLACK PEOPLE TO SEE YOU DOIN' IT.

IS THERE ANYTHING? HUH? WHAT'D SHE SAY?

DANCIN'? YOU HATE DANCIN' AROUND BLACK PEOPLE?

YEAH, WE HATE WATCHIN' Y'ALL DANCE, TOO.

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

YOU'RE LIKE, "WHAT IS HE DOIN' OVER THERE? GOLLY!

ANYTHING ELSE? NOTHIN' ELSE?

I HAD THIS ONE LADY TELL ME--WHAT'D YOU SAY?

- BEIN' AT THE URINAL. - BEIN' AT THE URINAL?

[LAUGHTER, CHEERS & APPLAUSE]

LET ME WRITE THAT ONE DOWN.

[LAUGHTER, CHEERS & APPLAUSE]

I WAS WONDERIN'WHY Y'ALL LEAVE.

I GET TO THE URINAL THEY JUST LEAVE.

- I'D BE LIKE-- "RACIST." - [LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

BUT THAT'S WHY, HUH? OKAY. ALL RIGHT.

I GOTTA REMEMBER THAT ONE. YEAH.

I HAD ONE LADY AT ONE OF MY SHOWS.

SHE SAID SHE HATEDLISTENIN' TO RAP MUSIC.

AND I WAS LIKE, "YEAH, Y'ALL DO BE TOUGH AS HELL

IN Y'ALL CAR BY Y'ALL SELF LISTENIN' TO RAP MUSIC."

Y'ALL HAVE RAP MUSIC ON.YOU'RE IN YOUR CAR.

[MIMICKING LOUD RAP MUSIC]

AS SOON AS ONE OF US PULL ASIDE OF Y'ALL

YOU GET TO PICKIN' STUFFOUT YOUR HAIR, RIGHT?

- "LET ME TURN THIS DOWN." - [LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

I'M GONNA TELL YOU WHAT I HATE DOIN' AROUND WHITE PEOPLE.

I CAN'T STAND FOR WHEN WHITE PEOPLE SEE ME DOIN' THIS. I JUST CRINGE UP ANY TIME.

- WORKIN'. - [LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

ANY KIND OF WORK. I DON'T EVEN CARE.

I COULD BE MOPPIN' THE FLOOR, A WHITE GUY COME IN

I'LL BE LIKE, "GODDAMN.I LOOK LIKE A COLORED RIGHT NOW.

MIGHT AS WELL SHUCK AND JIVE.

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

MAMMY."

I HATE EATIN' CHICKENIN FRONT OF Y'ALL, TOO.

OR WATERMELON.

NOW IF I'M EATIN'WATERMELON AND CHICKEN,

I WANNA COMMIT SUICIDE,I SWEAR TO YOU.

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

TRUE STORY, SOMETHING THAT HAPPENED TO ME.

WE GOT THIS THING IN CHICAGO CALLED THE TASTE OF CHICAGO.

AND WE GOT BOOTHS FOR MILES AND MILES AND MILES.

JUST DIFFERENT FOODSYOU CAN TASTE LIKE FROMALL AROUND THE WORLD.

THIS GUY GAVE ME LIKE A HANDFUL OF TICKETS,

YOU KNOW, AND-- THEY GOT FOOD FROM ALL OVER THE WORLD.

AND WHAT'D I GO GET? SOME CHICKEN RIGHT?

SO I GO GET THIS CHICKEN. AND I'M EATIN' AND THERE'S GREASE POPPIN' EVERYWHERE.

I'M IN MY OWNLITTLE WORLD, YOU KNOW.

LIPS, BLING BLINGIN' RIGHT NOW.

YOU KNOW, JUST WALKIN' AND EATIN' MY CHICKEN.

JUST-- YOU KNOW. AND I WALK BY THIS FRUIT STAND AND THEY GOT

- SEEDLESS WATERMELON. - [LAUGHTER]

- COME ON BROTHER, SEEDLESS. - [LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

YOU JUST DON'T SEE SEEDLESS ALL THE DAMN TIME.

I'M LIKE, "SEEDLESS?GIVE ME FOUR OF THOSE."

I'M SITTIN' THERE EATIN' MY CHICKEN AND WATERMELON.

AND GREASE AND JUICE IS COMBININ' TOGETHER

AND I'M HUMMIN' TO MYSELF.

- [HUMMING] - [LAUGHTER]

THERE'S THIS WHITE FAMILY RIGHT ON THE SIDE OF ME

WITH THEIRCAMERA PHONE LIKE THIS.

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

"LOOK AT HIM. HE WON'T STOP.

WE'RE GONNA PUT THIS ON MySpace."

I'M SITTIN' THERE LIKE, "GODDAMN.

MIGHT AS WELL SHUCK AND JIVE."

HEY, I'M DEON COLE. THANKS A LOT COMEDY CENTRAL.

[CHEERS, WHISTLES & APPLAUSE]

CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY COMEDY CENTRAL.

Captioned By mCCaptioning Services www.mCCaption.com

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