Eddie Gossling - Toilet Papering

  • Season 8 , Ep 7
  • 02/19/2004
  • Views: 1,834

Toilet papering never gets old. (1:31)

I LIKE TO HAVE FUN.

ONE OF MY BIGGEST HOBBIES,

I LIKE TO RUSH TO JUDGMENT.

YEAH.

[LAUGHTER]

IF I SEE SOMEBODY I DON'T LIKE,

AND I'M LIKE, "NOPE, DONE WITH

YOU."

[LAUGHTER]

FOLKS, I'M NOT A THUG BUT I HAVE

LIVED A THUG LIFESTYLE.

[LAUGHTER]

I USED TO BE DEEP INTO TOILET

PAPERING, TP-ING AS IT'S KNOWN

AMONGST THE THUGS.

I RECENTLY HAVE THE OPPORTUNITY

TO TAKE MY 16-YEAR-OLD COUSIN

TOILET PAPERING.

AND I HAVE TO TELL YOU THIS.

TOILET PAPERING AT THE AGE OF

33 IS MUCH MORE FUN THAN IT

EVER WAS AS A CHILD.

[LAUGHTER]

BECAUSE NOW WHEN THE POLICE

SHOW UP, YOU KNOW HOW THE KIDS

RUN AND HIDE?

I JUST PRETEND LIKE IT'S MY

LAWN.

[LAUGHTER]

I'M LIKE, "YOU LITTLE JACKASSES.

I KNOW ALL OF YOUR FATHERS,

ESPECIALLY YOU, MITCHELL.

I SEE YOU."

PLUS, IT IS YOUR ONE OPPORTUNITY

IN LIFE WHERE YOU CAN YELL AT

THE POLICE AND GET AWAY WITH IT.

HE'S LIKE, "EASY, SIR."

DON'T TELL ME TO BE EASY.

PAYING PROPERTY TAXES LIKE

AN IDIOT.

YOU SHOW UP 20 MINUTES LATE.

IT'S GONNA RAIN.

YOU GONNA HELP ME COMB THIS

BITCH OUT TOMORROW?"

NO, YOU DIDN'T THINK, DID YOU?

GO AHEAD.

WRITE ME A TICKET.

YOU SEE THE ADDRESS.

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

GIMME TWO, [BLEEP].

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