I did real esate for a while,
I just wantedsomething more stable,
so I started doingstand-up comedy, and...
[laughter and cheering]
But I would always getthese lectures from my boss,
and he would say things like,"You know, it seems like
you only come into workwhen you feel like it."
I was like,"Actually, that's not true,
"because I never feel like...
"Coming into work,so technically,
I come in slightly more timesthan that."
But the last timeI talked to him, he was like,
"You got to make some changes."
I'm like,"What's he gonna do, fire me?"
It turns outyeah, that's exactly...
what he did.
My goal at that jobwas to work the least amount
where I wouldn't get fired,
which--I don't knowwhat that amount is,
but now I know what the amountright below that is.
I got a letterthrough Certified Mail recently,
and I went to the post officewith the Certified Mail slip.
I was like, "Hey, I'd liketo pick up the letter
that goes withthe Certified Mail slip."
They were like, "Well, we needa piece of mail
with your current addresson it."
I was like, "Oh, actually,the Certified Mail slip
"is a piece of mail...
"with my current address on it.
"That's why I have it.
"I think you guys were the onesthat sent it to me,
"and it said to come here.
"I didn't sneakinto someone's house.
Like, oh, man, I reallywant to steal an errand."
They were like,"Well, we still just need
one more piece of mail withyour current address."
I'm like, "There is one more,but it's in the back
"of your post office...
"That's why I'm here,again, so.
"If you can go and get thatand bring it out here,
"that's gonna solve bothof our problems,
"and I'm not gonna back downon this.
It's either my wayor the highway."
Anyway, so I'm on the highwayafter that...
I was stuck in traffic.I was so mad.
I was like, "Oh, man, I wisheveryone in front of me
would just die," and thenI was like, "I actually--
"I don't mean that at all."
That would be--at that point,
traffic would be a lot worse,I guess, but...
But I remember later that day,I got pulled over.
It was during the winter.
There was a lot of snow and salton my license plate,
and the cop was like,"Hey did you know
I can't readyour license plate?"
I was like,"No, I didn't know that.
Probably wouldn't havepulled over if I knew that."
"That would have beengreat to know, like,
a couple of minutes ago," but...
He was like,"I have to give you a citation."
I'm like, "That's fine ifyou want to give me a citation.
"I thought you weregonna give me a ticket, but...
"if just want to use mein your essay,
"that's okay with me,I guess.
"Verify my new address.
I've got two letters now."