Chris D'Elia - Nothing Matters to a Drunk Girl

11/20/13 Views: 154,114

When girls get drunk, they don't even know what they're talking about. (1:31)

Watch Full Episode

AND THEY DON'T EVEN KNOWWHAT THEY'RE TALKING ABOUT.

THEY THINK THEY DO.

[ Slurring ] "HEY, GET GUESS?

YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW --YOU KNOW WHAT IS IT?"

[ LAUGHTER ]

"EXCUSE ME.WHERE -- WHERE ARE YOU GOING?

YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT IT IS IT?"

[ LAUGHTER ]

"YEAH, YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT IS[MUMBLING]

IS THAT WHAT IT IS? O-O-H!"

[ LAUGHTER ]

"EXCUSE ME.[MUMBLES] SAYING IT?

"WHAT IT IS,ISN'T IT WORTH SAYING?

"[ MUMBLING ]

BARACK OBAMA.IS THAT WHAT IT IS?"

YEAH, IT DOESN'T EVEN MATTER."

[ Normal voice ] NOTHING MATTERSTO A DRUNK GIRL AT ALL.

[ LAUGHTER ]

NOTHING!

YOU'D BE LIKE, "YO, THERE'SA CROCODILE RIGHT NEXT TO YOU."

[ Slurring ] "UH, EXCUSE ME.I HAVE A QUESTION FOR YOU."

[ LAUGHTER ]

"UH, IS IT YOUR CROCODILE?"

[ LAUGHTER ]

"NO, EXACTLY."

[ Normal voice ]THEY'LL JUST ADD TO IT.

[ Slurring ] "YOU'RE AFRAIDTHAT IT'S GONNA TAKE YOUR JOB.

"IS THAT WHAT IT IS?

"ARE YOU SCARED A CROCODILEIS GONNA TAKE YOUR JOB?

"HELLO,IT DOESN'T EVEN HAVE PANTS ON.

"YOU CAN'T -- HOW MANY PEOPLEHAVE NO PANTS WITH A JOB?

YOU CAN'T."

[ Normal voice ] YOU'RE LIKE,

"DO YOU EVEN NEED MEFOR THIS CONVERSATION?"

[ Slurring ]"NO, I DON'T NEED IT.

"I DON'T NEED IT.I'M AN INDEPENDENT WOMAN.

"I DON'T NEED YOU!I DON'T NEED YOUR HELP.

"I JUST SIT HERE.THE SHOES ON MY FEET.

I BOUGHT THEM. I DON'T CARE."

[ LAUGHTER ]

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

Loading...