Turkey's New Ally & the Actual Founder of ISIS

August 11, 2016 - Mike Birbiglia 08/11/2016 Views: 103,658

Turkey and Russia form an alliance that could jeopardize U.S. military bases in the Middle East, and Donald Trump doubles down on his accusation that Obama founded ISIS. (4:20)

Watch Full Episode

t he United States is killingit

at the Olympics.

American athletes are

bringing homeso much gold, like,

they're gonna have to get

the Colombian weightlifting team

to help them carry it allto the airport.

But I've noticed... I've noticedthis week that the U.S.

isn't just number onein the medal count.

It's also number oneon Turkey's (bleep) list.

You see, while the restof the world has been

off playing games, Turkeyis making nice with Russia,

partly because President Erdoganof Turkey, he believes that

America had something to dowith the recent coup attempt

in his country.

And, so, on Tuesday,he decided to meet

with retired Abercrombieand Fitch model and, uh,

Russian president,Vladimir Putin.

Uh, although... he's very sexy.

You got to admit,he's very sexy.

Uh, although, the meeting...

the meeting didn't get offto the best start.

There was a moment today

where the Russian presidentwas kept waiting.

Take a look at this.

There he is,

waiting for the Turkish president.

Waiting a little bit longer, waiting a bit longer.

How long does this go on?

About a minute and a half,

I'm told, until, finally, uh,

the Turkish president does, in fact, turn up.


Wait, wait, you know what makesthat super hilarious

is the fact that presidentsplan these things.

You're supposed to come outat the exact same time,

so you don't look like oneis more powerful than the other

because if you wait,then you are clearly inferior.

And you can seePutin was furious

because the Turkish presidentmade him wait.

He was so mad until he sawhow big Erdogan was.


I didn't know that guywas giant.

You can see Putin was, like,

(in Russian accent):"How dare he make me wait.

"I'm going to crush him.

"Going to smash his face into...whoa, hey, big guy, hey.

Hey, big guy."


(normal voice):Look at the size of him.

But as... as funnyas this meeting is,

this relationshipis a serious danger to America.

Let me explain why.

Turkey is moving towards Russia.

At the same time,Iran is opening up to Europe.

It's almost like while Americais living it up in Rio,

the rest of the world is boxingthem out of the Middle East.

And this is a big deal,because, you see, if Turkey

doesn't allow America to usetheir military bases,

then it becomes a whole lotharder for the U.S. to fight

in the Middle East, which wouldbe a huge blow to the fight

against ISIS,and that would be a tragedy

because we just found outwho the founder of ISIS is.

ISIS is honoringPresident Obama.

He is the founder of ISIS.

He's the founderof ISIS.


He's the founder.

(audience groans)

I wonder if there are peoplein ISIS right now

looking at the founder going,

(in accent):"You said you were the founder.

You said you were the founder!"

And-and this is the best part--

like, Trump went on a radioshow, he went on a radio show,

and, uh, a conservative hosttried to help him out.

'Cause you can't say thepresident's the founder of ISIS.

And he tried to help him,and Trump--

you-you can't...you can't help him.

HEWITT (speaking):

TRUMP (speaking):

(laughing, applause)

It's like a lawyerwith the dumbest client ever.

"So when you told himthis was the end,

you meant the endof the relationship."

"No, I meantI was gonna kill him.

And so I killed him."

No, no, that's not a good point.

That's actually a scary point.

Because it's funfor all of us

to think Donald Trumpis an idiot,

but what he said thereexposes that

he knows exactlywhat he's doing.

He knows what he's sayingwhen he says Obama founded ISIS,

and he doesn't careif it's wrong,

he just caresif people talk about it.

Yeah. Trump, you've gotone star on Yelp.

"Yes, but lookhow many reviews."