Kevin Hart - Breakup

  • Season 8 , Ep 6
  • 02/12/2004
  • Views: 88,940

Kevin was mentally screwed up by an older woman. (2:25)

WITH HER AFTER THAT, THOUGH,

MAN.

WE BROKE UP FOR A LITTLE WHILE.

WE DID.

BROKE UP.

FOR LIKE, TWO WEEKS.

[LAUGHTER]

I WAS SINGLE FOR TWO WEEKS.

I TRIED TO DATE EVERYBODY IN

THE WORLD, I SWEAR TO GOD I DID.

[LAUGHTER]

I WAS LONELY THOUGH, MAN.

BECAUSE LET ME TELL YOU,

YOU EVER NOTICE THAT WHEN YOU'RE

IN A RELATIONSHIP, EVERYBODY

WANTS YOU.

EVERYBODY WANNA TALK TO YOU.

BUT THE MINUTE THAT YOU'RE

SINGLE, DON'T NOBODY EVEN WANNA

LOOK AT YOU.

YOU KNOW?

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

YOU KNOW HOW I KNEW I WAS

BECOMING A LOSER?

I WENT TO THE MOVIES BY MYSELF.

[AUDIENCE SIGHS]

OH, SHUT UP!

[LAUGHTER]

I WENT TO THE MOVIES BY MYSELF.

THAT'S HOW YOU KNOW WHEN YOU'RE

AT THAT ULTIMATE LOSER POINT IN

YOUR LIFE.

ESPECIALLY IF YOU GO SEE A

COMEDY BY YOURSELF, YOU KNOW?

BECAUSE YOU CAN NEVER LAUGH

BY YOURSELF.

YOU GOTTA INTERVENE WITH SOMEONE

ELSE'S DATE.

HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA!

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

OH-- I'M SORRY, I DIDN'T KNOW

YOU ALL WAS KISSING.

I APOLOGIZE.

I'M SORRY.

SO, I HAD TO FIND SOMEBODY,

MAN.

I HAD TO DATE SOMEBODY.

I MET THIS ONE OLDER WOMAN.

MET AN OLDER WOMAN.

AND YOU KNOW WHAT MY PROBLEM

WITH HER WAS?

SHE WOULDN'T LET ME BE A MAN.

LIKE YOU KNOW, SOMETIMES YOU

NEED TO BE A MAN.

YOU NEED TO DO MANLY-TYPE

STUFF, YOU KNOW?

YOU GO TO A RESTAURANT YOU WANNA

ORDER YOUR OWN FOOD AND DRINKS

BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT MEN DO.

WE GET TO THE RESTAURANT.

THE WAITER COMES.

HE'S LIKE, "SIR, WHAT WOULD YOU

LIKE TO DRINK?"

"AH, HE'LL HAVE A DOUBLE SHOT

OF JACK AND COKE."

"AH, M-- MISS JONES, I CAN'T

DRINK THAT, THAT BURN MY CHEST.

I CAN'T--

[LAUGHTER]

I-- I CAN'T PUT THAT DOWN."

"SHUT UP AND STOP BEING A

BITCH!"

"OH, MY GOD."

[LAUGHTER]

"I'M-- I'M GONNA TAKE THAT--

THE DOUBLE SHOT OF JACK--

WITH-- WITH A STRAW.

CAN I HAVE A STRAW, PLEASE?

[LAUGHTER]

IF I GET A STRAW, THAT'LL BE

GOOD."

[LAUGHTER CONTINUES]

SHE DID A BUNCH OF STUFF THAT

MESSED WITH ME MENTALLY.

LIKE, SHE KISSED ME WITH HER

EYES OPEN.

YOU KNOW.

I CAN'T STAND THAT.

IT FELT LIKE I WAS BEING SET UP,

YOU KNOW?

[LAUGHTER]

[WHISTLES AND APPLAUSE]

WHO THE HELL DO YOU SEE?

IS TORI IN HERE?

WHERE IS SHE?

COME OUT, TORI!

JUST IRKED ME A LITTLE BIT.

YOU KNOW WHAT MY PROBLEM IS?

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