Damon Wayans - Special Species

Season 9 , Ep 908 12/09/05 Views: 11,099

Dudes don't comment on each other's balls. (2:10)

I'M SCARED TO DEATH OF FLYING. YOU KNOW TERRORISM.

YOU KNOW I JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND HOW TO GET THE PEOPLE

TO BLOW THEMSELVES UP. THAT'S A TOUGH SELL.

THEY SAY WHAT, 15 VIRGINS WHEN YOU GET TO HEAVEN.

THAT DON'T WORKHERE IN AMERICA.

GIVE ME ONE GOOD HOLE RIGHT HERE ON EARTH.

YOU KNOW, GET TO HEAVEN AND STILL CAN'T GET NONE.

LIKE, "COME ON GIRL, I BLEW MYSELF UP."

- "NA-AH, I'M A VIRGIN." - [LAUGHTER]

AND WOMEN STICK TOGETHER, TOO. THERE-- 15 OF THEM.

THEY JUST SHUT YOU DOWN.

THAT'S WHAT I LOVE ABOUT WOMEN. WOMEN ARE A SPECIAL SPECIES,

BECAUSE TOGETHER, FROM THE OUTSIDE LOOKING IN,

Y'ALL ARE THE BEST FRIENDSIN THE WORLD. YOU KNOW?

WOMEN CAN DO STUFF WITH EACH OTHER THAT IT'S JUST UNACCEPTABLE--

Y'ALL GO TO CLUBS AND DANCE TOGETHER.

YOU KNOW? BE RUBBING ALL UP EACH OTHER, GRABBING LIKE--

DUDES DON'T DO THAT. IT'S UNACCEPTABLE.

WOMEN ARE ACTUALLY TAKING SHOWERS WITH EACH OTHER.

IT'S LIKE,"YOU GOT NICE BREASTS, SALLY."

"NO, THEY'RE NICE. LOOK AT THIS. THIS IS BEAUTIFUL.

SO WHAT, ONE HANGS LOWER THAN THE OTHER,

IT'S BEAUTIFUL."

DUDES DON'T DO THAT.

IT'S LIKE "YOU GOT NICE BALLS, HENRY.

NO, SO WHAT, ONE HANGS LOWERTHAN THE OTHER, IT'S NICE, MAN."

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

A LOT OF PRESSURE ON MEN THESE DAYS TO BE WELL ENDOWED.

THEY SELL THESE MAGNUM CONDOMS NOW.

YOU KNOW IF YOUPULL OUT A SMALL CONDOM,

WOMEN DON'T EVEN WANNAMESS WITH YOU, YOU KNOW.

I WAS IN THE STORE AND I SAW AN ASIAN DUDE ABOUT THIS BIG,

- BUYING MAGNUMS. - [LAUGHTER]

- I'M LIKE COME ON, WANG. - [LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

HE COULD PUT HIS PENIS, HIS BALLS,

AND ASS CHEEKS IN THERE. PUT THE CONDOM ON LIKE THIS.

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

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