Richard Lewis - Nightmare Girlfriend

Larry Miller & Ellen DeGeneres Season 1, Ep 31 02/24/1992 Views: 4,178

Richard's last girlfriend had a lot of ex-boyfriends. (1:30)

BECAUSE WHEN I GO TO MY FAMILYREUNIONS IT'S USUALLY HECKLING

SO I GOT TAKEN ABACKFOR A MINUTE.

( laughter )

YOU KNOW,I WASN'T MOCKING MYSELF.

I WASN'T MOCKING YOUOR WOMEN OR MEN.

REALLY, MY LAST GIRLFRIENDWAS REALLY-- WOMAN--

WAS A NIGHTMARE.

GOD, I MEAN, SHE TOLD ME

THAT HER ORGASMS GAVE HERAN UPSET STOMACH.

I MEAN, ISN'T IT TIME TO JUSTGO, "HEY, I'M GOING SOUTH.

TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF."

AND I KNEW SHE CHEATED.

WELL, SHE DIDN'T CHEAT--WELL, MAYBE SHE DID.

OH, SHE HADSO MANY EXES, I JUST...

WELL, HERE'S THE DEAL.

WHEN YOU'RE LYING IN BED

YOU HAVE THESETERMS OF ENDEARMENT

LIKE, "HI, LITTLE POOPY"OR "POOKY"

OR WHATEVER THE HELL PEOPLE SAY.

I USED TO ACTUALLY SAY,"HI, LITTLE... I LOVE YOU.

OH, TAKE ME, WANT ME,LITTLE POOKY PUCKA POOKA."

I SAID, "POOKY PUCKA POOKA."

NOW, WHO WOULD EVER BE CALLED"POOKY PUCKA POOKA"?

AND SHE WOULD, LIKE, GO...

( gasps )

"DON'T EVER CALL MEPOOKY PUCKA..."

( laughter )

"WHY NOT?"

"GARY CALLED ME THAT."

"OH, SORRY."

SO THE MIND BOGGLES AT HOWMANY MEN THAT SHE SLEPT WITH.

PLUS THAT'S WHY SHE CAME DOWNWITH ALL THESE THINGS.

I MEAN, SHE ACTUALLY WASINFECTED WITH A BEAST INFECTION

WHICH I FELT WAS FRIGHTENING.

MY OWN SHRINK CALLED MEA SHMUCK FOR BEING WITH HER.

YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?