Sheng Wang - Crazy Sloppy

  • Season 3 , Ep 3
  • 08/03/2012
  • Views: 24,918

Sheng Wang decides that his girlfriend is going to be the designated driver. (3:19)

I'M SHENG WANG.

MY PARENTS ARE IMMIGRANTS,

AND SOMETIMES IT'S VERY HARDFOR ME TO THINK ABOUT IT,

LIKE, THE WHOLE IDEAOF IMMIGRATION SOUNDS CRAZY,

YOU KNOW, LIKE, CAN YOU IMAGINELEAVING HOME RIGHT NOW,

YOU JUST LEAVEALL YOUR FRIENDS,

ALL YOUR FAMILY,

YOU MOVE TO A COMPLETELYFOREIGN COUNTRY

JUST SO YOUR OFFSPRINGCAN HAVE MORE OPPORTUNITIES,

AND THEN YOUR KIDGOES INTO STANDUP COMEDY.

(laughter)

YOU'RE LIKE, "DANG, SON THAT'STOO MUCH OPPORTUNITIES".

(laughter)

WE DIDN'T COME HERE FOR THAT.

WE WANTED YOU TO NOTWORK IN A FACTORY.

WE DIDN'T WANT YOU TO FOLLOWYOUR DREAMS, YOU (bleep).

(laughter)

THERE'S A LITTLE BIT OFPRESSURE, YOU KNOW,

LIKE, I'M TRYING TO BEA BETTER PERSON,

BUT THIS YEAR MY GOALIS TO BLACKOUT LESS.

IT'S A VERY DIFFICULTGOAL TO TRACK.

I THINK I'M SUCCEEDING

BUT I MIGHT JUST NOTREMEMBER FAILING.

I RECENTLY WENT OUTWITH MY GIRLFRIEND.

I DECIDED SHE WAS GONNABE THE DESIGNATED DRIVER,

BUT I DID NOT BOTHER TO TELL HERABOUT MY DECISION.

I JUST WENT AHEADAND GOT CRAZY SLOPPY,

BECAUSE ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDERTHAN GIBBERISH.

IT GOT TO THE POINT WHERE--FORGET ABOUT DRIVING FOLKS,

FORGET ABOUT DRIVING.

I MIGHT NOT MAKETHE CUT AS A PASSENGER.

(laughter)

IT WAS GONNA BE A CHALLENGETO KEEP MY BODY INSIDE MY CAR

AND MY INSIDESINSIDE MY BODY.

WE WENT TO A DRIVE-THROUGH,

AND SHE HAD TO KEEP LOCKINGTHE DOORS TO STOP ME

FROM GETTING OUTBECAUSE I TOLD HER

EVERYBODY LINED UP IN THE CARSBEHIND US.

THEY ALL WANNA SEE ME DANCE.

AFTER SHE PROTECTED MEFROM GETTING HATE CRIMED ON...

WE WENT HOME...

AND I IMMEDIATELY TOOK OFFMY JEANS,

BECAUSE I'M ABOUT TOEAT SEVEN JALAPENO POPPERS,

AND I'M NOT GONNA DIGNIFY THATKIND OF MEAL WITH PANTS.

BUT THEN MY GIRL NOTICED A LARGEWET SPOT ON MY BOXERS.

SHE GOT UPSET, SHE WAS LIKE," DID YOU PEE YOURSELF?"

I SAID THE COOLEST THINGYOU CAN SAY IN THAT SITUATION,

I SAID, "PROBABLY."

(laughter)

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