Bret Ernst - Just Like a Guy

  • Season 14, Ep 17
  • 01/11/2010
  • Views: 18,754

Cool chicks only go out in pairs because they don't like to hang out with other girls. (2:15)

LIKE, GUYS, WHEN YOU'RE OUTWITH YOUR FRIENDS

AND YOU DROP YOUR BUDDY OFF,

YOU DON'T WAIT TO SEEIF HE GETS IN OKAY, ALL RIGHT?

YOU LEAVE.IT'S UNCOMFORTABLE.

IF HE GETS HIS ASS KICKEDON THE WAY TO THE DOOR,

THAT'S HIS OWN FAULT --HE SHOULD LEARN HOW TO FIGHT.

[ LAUGHTER,CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

AND DATING -- DATING'SGOT TO SUCK FOR WOMEN, TOO.

I MEAN, I CAN'T SPEAK ON THAT,BECAUSE, OBVIOUSLY, I'M A GUY.

BUT I'M SAYING, YOU KNOWWHO PROBABLY HAS IT THE WORST

ARE COOL CHICKS --IT'S GOT TO SUCK.

YOU EVER NOTICE? 'CAUSE COOLCHICKS ONLY GO OUT IN PAIRS.

THEY DON'T USUALLY GO OUTIN A GROUP,

'CAUSE THEY DON'T REALLY LIKETO HANG OUT WITH OTHER GIRLS.

YOU EVER NOTICE THAT ONE?

AND THE WORST

IS WHEN YOU'RE SITTINGACROSS FROM A GIRL ON A DATE

AND SHE'S PROJECTING

OR TRYING TO MAKE HERSELF OUT TOBE A COOL CHICK, BUT SHE'S NOT.

YOU KNOW, AND SHE'S LIKE,"I'M JUST LIKE A GUY.

ARE YOU KIDDING ME?I LOVE SPORTS."

[ LAUGHTER ]

"THE KNICKS ARE MY FAVORITEFOOTBALL TEAM. I LOVE THEM."

[ CHUCKLES ]

I NEVER UNDERSTOOD THAT, EITHER,

'CAUSE WE DON'T WANT THAT --YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?

LIKE, I DON'T WANT A GIRLTHAT'S LIKE A DUDE.

GUYS DON'T DO THAT --YOU NEVER SEE GUYS LIKE,

"YEAH, I'M JUST LIKE A GIRL.ARE YOU KIDDING ME?

I LOVE PUPPIES AND CHOCOLATEAND CUDDLING."

ALL IT IS, IS THIS.I'LL BE HONEST WITH YOU.

NO, NO, NO, I'M GETTING BACKTO OTHER THINGS, TOO.

LIKE, WE WERE TALKINGABOUT THE DATING THING.

AND I HATEWHEN WOMEN DO THIS, TOO.

LIKE, I FELL FOR THE WHOLE,YOU KNOW, "I'M JUST LIKE A GUY."

YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?

I TOOK HER TO SEETHE MOVIE "TRANSFORMERS."

[ LAUGHTER ]

NO, I DID. I FELL FOR IT.

SHE'S LIKE, "OH,LET'S GO SEE 'TRANSFORMERS.'"

I'M LIKE, "ALL RIGHT."SHE GOES, "ARE YOU KIDDING ME?

I LOVE 'TRANSFORMERS.'I GREW UP ON THEM."

THIS WAS HER THE WHOLE MOVIE.

"UH, THIS IS STUPID."

[ LAUGHTER ]

"I DON'T GET IT. THIS IS DU--"

I GOT MAD.

I'M LIKE, "THAT'S OPTIMUS PRIME.SHOW SOME RESPECT."

[ LAUGHTER,CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

AND THEN SHE GOT MAD'CAUSE MEGAN FOX WAS HOT.

LIKE, THE MINUTE SHE POPPED ONTHE SCREEN, SHE WAS LIKE...

[ CLICKS TONGUE, SCOFFS ]

[ LAUGHTER ]

"OH, GOD. UGH."

AND THEN, WHEN SHE MENTIONEDSHE WAS LIKE 18,

SHE'S LIKE, "THAT'S BULL CRAP!THERE'S NO WAY SHE'S 18."

"REALLY? THAT'S BULL CRAP?

"WHAT ABOUT THE 18-WHEELERTRYING TO SAVE THE PLANET?

THAT, WE CAN BELIEVE?"

[ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE ]

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