Eddie Gossling - Corrections

  • Season 8 , Ep 7
  • 02/19/2004
  • Views: 2,831

Eddie can tell that he's dreaming if he has a job. (1:51)

I MEAN I CAN READ.

I JUST CHOOSE NOT TO.

[LAUGHTER]

I HATE READING.

IT SUCKS.

YOU KNOW WHY?

I HAVE AN ANNOYING VOICE.

AND WHEN YOU READ, YOU HEAR

YOUR OWN VOICE INSIDE YOUR HEAD.

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

YEAH.

I SWEAR TO GOD.

HALFWAY THROUGH A GREETING CARD,

I'M LIKE "I'M OUT."

SO NOW WHEN I READ, I TRY TO

READ IN THE VOICE OF

MORGAN FREEMAN.

IT'S SO MUCH BETTER.

OH, HE'S GOT THE COOLEST VOICE.

AND I CAN FINISH ARTICLES.

LIKE, I'LL DO TWO IN A DAY.

I DON'T CARE.

FROM DOING ALL THE READING

I'M DOING NOW, I HAVE FOUND OUT

THAT MY FAVORITE SECTION OF THE

NEWSPAPER TO READ IS THE

CORRECTIONS PAGE.

THAT'S SO COOL.

YOU EVER BEEN READING AN ARTICLE

AND YOU THINK, "THAT SEEMS A BIT

ODD."

AND THE NEXT DAY, THEY CORRECT

THEMSELVES?

AND YOU'RE LIKE, "YEAH,

I THOUGHT SO."

[LAUGHTER]

BUT THEN IT'S COOL.

LIKE, IT NEVER HAPPENED.

I NEED SOMETHING LIKE THAT

IN MY PERSONAL LIFE.

BECAUSE I CONSTANTLY GIVE PEOPLE

BAD INFORMATION, BUT I NEVER SEE

'EM THE NEXT DAY TO CORRECT IT.

I NEED TWO MINUTES IN THE

BEGINNING OF EVERY DAY WHERE

EVERYBODY I SAW THE PREVIOUS

DAY, I'M LIKE, "GATHER ROUND.

GOT MY CORRECTIONS FROM

YESTERDAY.

OKAY, TISH, THIS IS FOR YOU.

YOU'RE RIGHT.

HARPO IS OPRAH BACKWARDS.

[LAUGHTER]

YEAH, I WORKED IT OUT.

I WAS LIKE, 'OH, MAN, SHE'S

RIGHT.'

YEAH.

SORRY I THREW MY MILKSHAKE

IN YOUR FACE.

[LAUGHTER]

RYAN, THIS IS A TOUGH ONE.

REMEMBER WHEN I SAID I SAW

YOUR WIFE KISSING THAT DUDE

IN THE BAR?

YEAH, I DREAMED THAT, SORRY

ABOUT THAT.

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

MAN, I AM SORRY.

I HAD THE EXACT SAME DREAM

THE OTHER NIGHT.

AND I WAS LIKE, 'MAN, I SPEND

A LOT OF TIME IN THE CLUBS.'

I DON'T EVEN THINK I WENT HOME

AFTER WORK TO FEED MY PET

UNICORN.

AND THAT'S WHEN I KNEW IT WAS

A DREAM, 'CAUSE I DON'T HAVE

A JOB SO...

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

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