I'm actually - I was bornin Chicago
but New York is great
'cause this is wherethey make Law & Order,
which is my favorite show,you know?
And I realizedit was my favorite show
when I was in my thirdconsecutive hour
of Law & Order.
I figured,this better be my favorite,
otherwise I have a problem.
But it's crazy.
If you watch enough episodesof Law & Order,
you see these patternsin every episode, you know?
Like, in the beginning, whenthey're interviewing witnesses
about the crime, the people they talk to
are always so casualabout being questioned
by homicide detectives.
There's been, like,a double rape and murder,
and they're questioningsome guy,
and he's just, like,"Tony Ramirez?
"Yeah, I remember him.
He used to work hereon Tuesdays."
It's, like, people have died.
You can't stop unloading cratesfor a second?
How often do you talkto homicide detectives?
"I got to get back to work."
No, you don't.The police are here.
All bets are off.
They always let some detailabout the case go
that they don'teven realize is important.
They'll be, like, "Well,did he say where he was going?"
"Said somethingabout the knife store."
Like, yeah, knife store!
Knife store pertains
to the stabbing investigation.
My favorite on that show,though, is Jerry Orbach.
I loved him because...
Yeah, he was the best...
( applause )
'cause he always had, like,a funny little one-liner
when they found the dead body.
They'd find a teacherlying dead in an alley,
and Orbach would be, like,
"Huh! Looks like school's out."
I always wanted to see an episode
where he couldn't thinkof a clever one.
Where they find the guy deadwith a Mars bar in his hand,
and Orbach's, like, "Huh!
"Looks like he won'tbe going to Mars
"anytime soon. Get it?Mars bar?
"Aw, screw you guys!
Nine times out of ten,they're funny."